Saturday, July 18, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I wish you enough....
Today I received an email entitled " I wish you enough".
On reading it, I was so moved that tears rolled down my cheeks for it reminded me of the time when I felt the same way. I too lived a very long distance away from my elderly parents and the only means of travel was by air. In those days, an air ticket was very expensive, more than a month's salary.
Because of that, I was unable to make it home for my siblings' weddings. Being in the teaching profession also meant that one could not take leave unlike the luckier ones in other professions.
Each time I managed to return home and it used to be only once a year then, during the year end school holidays, the time spent at my parents' home seemed all too short as the days flew past very quickly.
My mother used to lament the fact that I was so far away and as the years rolled by and she fell seriously ill, going home was always a time fraught with anxieties and misgivings. Watching her growing more frail than the previous visit made my heart ache and each time I returned to my own home it was always with the fear that it could have been my last visit with her.
Towards the end she was in and out of consciousness, heavily sedated with morphine and whether she was able to sense her children's presence was unclear. What was clear was the pain she was in, despite the morphine. The last time I saw her was during the Chinese New Year, a shadow of herself, eyes closed, lying so still on her bed. The Chinese New Year holidays were just a couple of days and I had to return to work. Taking leave of her this time was heart-rending. I dared not shed tears for it would not do, as my father was there, with her all the time. The tears were shed in my heart and on board the plane for I knew deep down that the next time I see her, my mother would have left us. I would only see the shell of her.
True enough before the 15 days of the Chinese New Year were up, I received a call from my sister that mum had passed on.
Because death comes unannounced and stealthily, you can never be ready for it, not even when you are at the bedside all the time. It always takes you by surprise. So it was when the phone call came. The earliest flight back home was the following day. By the time I arrived, mum had already been encoffined.
She looked very peaceful at rest, very much younger too as death had smoothened the lines of pain. Her wake was well-attended by friends and relatives and floral tributes overflowed into the garden. We were much saddened by her passing but glad to let her go as she had been suffering for a long period. Bone cancer is the most painful of all cancers. Any slight movement, even a light touch was enough to send her into spasms of unbearable pain.
The pain of losing a mother is unlike any pain; it is far greater than that of losing a lover. The void, the emptiness leaves you feeling very hollow and the pain is almost physical. It was a long time before I could think of her without feeling any pain.
On reading it, I was so moved that tears rolled down my cheeks for it reminded me of the time when I felt the same way. I too lived a very long distance away from my elderly parents and the only means of travel was by air. In those days, an air ticket was very expensive, more than a month's salary.
Because of that, I was unable to make it home for my siblings' weddings. Being in the teaching profession also meant that one could not take leave unlike the luckier ones in other professions.
Each time I managed to return home and it used to be only once a year then, during the year end school holidays, the time spent at my parents' home seemed all too short as the days flew past very quickly.
My mother used to lament the fact that I was so far away and as the years rolled by and she fell seriously ill, going home was always a time fraught with anxieties and misgivings. Watching her growing more frail than the previous visit made my heart ache and each time I returned to my own home it was always with the fear that it could have been my last visit with her.
Towards the end she was in and out of consciousness, heavily sedated with morphine and whether she was able to sense her children's presence was unclear. What was clear was the pain she was in, despite the morphine. The last time I saw her was during the Chinese New Year, a shadow of herself, eyes closed, lying so still on her bed. The Chinese New Year holidays were just a couple of days and I had to return to work. Taking leave of her this time was heart-rending. I dared not shed tears for it would not do, as my father was there, with her all the time. The tears were shed in my heart and on board the plane for I knew deep down that the next time I see her, my mother would have left us. I would only see the shell of her.
True enough before the 15 days of the Chinese New Year were up, I received a call from my sister that mum had passed on.
Because death comes unannounced and stealthily, you can never be ready for it, not even when you are at the bedside all the time. It always takes you by surprise. So it was when the phone call came. The earliest flight back home was the following day. By the time I arrived, mum had already been encoffined.
She looked very peaceful at rest, very much younger too as death had smoothened the lines of pain. Her wake was well-attended by friends and relatives and floral tributes overflowed into the garden. We were much saddened by her passing but glad to let her go as she had been suffering for a long period. Bone cancer is the most painful of all cancers. Any slight movement, even a light touch was enough to send her into spasms of unbearable pain.
The pain of losing a mother is unlike any pain; it is far greater than that of losing a lover. The void, the emptiness leaves you feeling very hollow and the pain is almost physical. It was a long time before I could think of her without feeling any pain.
I would like to share the email "I wish you enough" with you.
I wish you Enough
Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'
The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'
They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'
'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.
'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.
'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'
He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone..' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more.
'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.
He then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The One Left Behind
The doctor told me this morning that women in Malaysia live longer than men. He said that Malaysian women can live up to 75 or even 80 years of age whereas men will live up to 70. I think this is also the case worldwide. Women seem to live longer lives than their spouses.
When you think about it, life is indeed a cycle but it also is a circle in that you start off as one person. Then you meet your partner and you get married and become two. From two, you become four or six depending upon the number of children you have and raise.
The cycle goes on.... your children grow up and they leave to build their own homes and raise their own families and you become two again. Some people have a longer period of time than others to enjoy what is usually known as their golden years. This period is one where both partners have retired from their jobs and where their children have flown the coop. They have only themselves to look after and to enjoy whatever years of life there are left. This is a period which some would regard as "liberation", liberated from the responsibilities of raising children, giving them an education and seeing them into adulthood.
Now is the time to do what we like....... travel if we have saved up enough money to do so and to pursue hobbies or do the things that we had been planning to do for a long time. For some this is the case, hence we see many older couples taking off for holidays, near or far. Unfortunately for others, one partner is struck down by health issues and this ties them both down, as one has to look after the other. One of my friends looked after her spouse for more than 4 years after he had a series of strokes. Physically he was there but he was unable to communicate and unable to do anything for himself. He lingered in this limbo for more than four years until the Lord called him home. Then only was she liberated. But then, she said she would rather he be there in person still. His physical person being there makes a lot of difference to her. When he left, she was bereft, all alone and this, she said was very hard to bear, harder than having to see him suffer and herself suffering along with him.
My own father too, changed when my mother left, the result of cancer. He became more and more solitary and retreated into himself. It was a matter of time before dementia overtook him and he also left us.
Even though we are adults, the loss of our parents had a profound effect on us. The feeling of loss is indescribable and there is always the feeling that perhaps we could have made it better for them while they were here. Time soon healed the sense of loss and we have memories to treasure. I sometimes take memories out of the treasure box of my life and enjoy the happy ones, reminiscing those cherished moments. I hope others do too.
When you think about it, life is indeed a cycle but it also is a circle in that you start off as one person. Then you meet your partner and you get married and become two. From two, you become four or six depending upon the number of children you have and raise.
The cycle goes on.... your children grow up and they leave to build their own homes and raise their own families and you become two again. Some people have a longer period of time than others to enjoy what is usually known as their golden years. This period is one where both partners have retired from their jobs and where their children have flown the coop. They have only themselves to look after and to enjoy whatever years of life there are left. This is a period which some would regard as "liberation", liberated from the responsibilities of raising children, giving them an education and seeing them into adulthood.
Now is the time to do what we like....... travel if we have saved up enough money to do so and to pursue hobbies or do the things that we had been planning to do for a long time. For some this is the case, hence we see many older couples taking off for holidays, near or far. Unfortunately for others, one partner is struck down by health issues and this ties them both down, as one has to look after the other. One of my friends looked after her spouse for more than 4 years after he had a series of strokes. Physically he was there but he was unable to communicate and unable to do anything for himself. He lingered in this limbo for more than four years until the Lord called him home. Then only was she liberated. But then, she said she would rather he be there in person still. His physical person being there makes a lot of difference to her. When he left, she was bereft, all alone and this, she said was very hard to bear, harder than having to see him suffer and herself suffering along with him.
My own father too, changed when my mother left, the result of cancer. He became more and more solitary and retreated into himself. It was a matter of time before dementia overtook him and he also left us.
Even though we are adults, the loss of our parents had a profound effect on us. The feeling of loss is indescribable and there is always the feeling that perhaps we could have made it better for them while they were here. Time soon healed the sense of loss and we have memories to treasure. I sometimes take memories out of the treasure box of my life and enjoy the happy ones, reminiscing those cherished moments. I hope others do too.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Growing Old & Sick
We all grow old. From the time that we enter this world bawling and kicking, we are already growing older by the moments that go by.
It may seem a long time, from cradle to childhood through adolescence to adulthood and on to old age. Some have a long journey in between, making it to the celebrated milestones of 70, 80, 90 and a marvellous 100 years of age.
If you have good health all the way, then life is worth celebrating. If you are dogged by illness and bitter experiences, short-changed in many ways, then you might think about the hand that life has handed you. In general most people lead an average life, i.e. they have gone through the experiences of the various stages of life, enjoy fairly good health although the symptoms of old age have crept in slowly. Nevertheless they are still mobile and able to make the best of things.
I have been saddened by news of friends battling cancer; their courage and persistence in battling this scourge of modern times is to be lauded. If one has never been in a situation where one has been in contact with cancer warriors, one will never know the courage and the hell they go through.
I lost my parents and two sisters to this insidious disease. Their sufferings can never be told in words but their courage in facing the enemy is exemplary. They were truly warriors and their faith in the Lord was strong. Sometimes I can't help wondering why this had to be their end, why their productive lives had to end in such a way.
Is it because the cancer cells that exist in our bodies had been triggered into wild proliferation by something in the environment, by the food ingested, by the air breathed in?
We have abused Mother Nature to such an extent that we are victims of our own doing. More and more young people have succumbed to this disease. It attacks the various parts of our anatomy and the sense of helplessness that we feel in its presence is overwhelming.
Treatment is another battle all the way. The drugs currently in use debilitate the body and could be causing more harm in the long run. The disease simply whittles away the body even as it runs amok within the system.
When will we be able to conquer the ills faced by mankind?
It may seem a long time, from cradle to childhood through adolescence to adulthood and on to old age. Some have a long journey in between, making it to the celebrated milestones of 70, 80, 90 and a marvellous 100 years of age.
If you have good health all the way, then life is worth celebrating. If you are dogged by illness and bitter experiences, short-changed in many ways, then you might think about the hand that life has handed you. In general most people lead an average life, i.e. they have gone through the experiences of the various stages of life, enjoy fairly good health although the symptoms of old age have crept in slowly. Nevertheless they are still mobile and able to make the best of things.
I have been saddened by news of friends battling cancer; their courage and persistence in battling this scourge of modern times is to be lauded. If one has never been in a situation where one has been in contact with cancer warriors, one will never know the courage and the hell they go through.
I lost my parents and two sisters to this insidious disease. Their sufferings can never be told in words but their courage in facing the enemy is exemplary. They were truly warriors and their faith in the Lord was strong. Sometimes I can't help wondering why this had to be their end, why their productive lives had to end in such a way.
Is it because the cancer cells that exist in our bodies had been triggered into wild proliferation by something in the environment, by the food ingested, by the air breathed in?
We have abused Mother Nature to such an extent that we are victims of our own doing. More and more young people have succumbed to this disease. It attacks the various parts of our anatomy and the sense of helplessness that we feel in its presence is overwhelming.
Treatment is another battle all the way. The drugs currently in use debilitate the body and could be causing more harm in the long run. The disease simply whittles away the body even as it runs amok within the system.
When will we be able to conquer the ills faced by mankind?
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Time
I just went through my email and just realised how much of my time it has taken to read and to reply some of them. How true it is the saying "Time and Tide wait for no man".
Looking around at the things I've accumulated all these
Have you ever stopped at the end of each day to take stock? To look at how productive you were that day? What did you do? Was it worthwhile spending the time doing it?
I have heard people wishing that there are more than 24 hours in a day so that they can get through what they want to do. I guess things can be divided into " What you want to do" and "What you have to do".
The latter will have to come first and then you can go ahead to do what you want to do.
For retirees, I guess they have more time for the "what you want to do". Or do we really? I'm a retiree and I remember telling myself, " Oh, I'll do that when I retire." Now that I've retired, I find that I still don't have enough time to do what I want to do.
I want to read more, especially the different types of books that I'm interested in; I want to write poems, I want to write, full stop. I want to go back to experiment on baking, I want to go back to my handicraft.......oh so many things that I want to do now that I've retired.
Instead I find myself chasing time because there is still a lot on the "what I have to do" list. That eats into the time I thought I would have, having retired. Mind you, I've slowed down a great deal and I've become lazy too. What I could do very quickly say, 2 decades ago now takes twice as much time. So that steals away some of the time at my disposal.
Slowing down is a necessity as there is the fear of falling when things are done quickly and when one is old, bones don't heal as well or as fast, not when one is a diabetic to boot. I remember a friend's mother who fell and broke her hip bone and never recovered after that. She became bed-ridden and her health just went downhill very fast. Besides, one is not as agile as before.
Looking around at the things I've accumulated all these years is such a pain. How can I ever get rid of the clutter?
Where to begin? As my brother-in-law said, one's
treasures is another's trash! We were chatting about the
past, how we collected souvenirs on our travels and how
much we cherish them, proudly putting them on display.
He asked a good question. Do you think our children will
appreciate these momentoes? Probably not as they do
not hold any significance for them. To the collector, they 
evoke memories of the holiday they had. To others, they
are probably dust collectors that should be binned. In
other words, thrown away!
So now when I travel, I do not collect anymore souvenirs,
except for small gifts that are easy to carry home and to
give to family members. Trinkets for my daughters and
local edible treats that we can savour together with family
members when we get back home. Photographs are a must
as they capture the places that we've been to. On the other
hand, what will happen to the hundreds of pictures that
have been taken after we pass on to the other dimension?
They would have become more clutter.
Back to the question of time. When will the time come when we have to leave this world for the next one? How much time is there left? Is there enough left to let me do what I have not yet done?
On this note I think I had better do what I have to do and then do what I want to do, one thing at a time, slowly or fast, it doesn't really matter. What matters is to enjoy what one does and to treat each day as if it is the last. Right now it is time to start preparing dinner or there won't be anything to eat this evening!
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