Thursday, July 9, 2009

The One Left Behind

The doctor told me this morning that women in Malaysia live longer than men. He said that Malaysian women can live up to 75 or even 80 years of age whereas men will live up to 70. I think this is also the case worldwide. Women seem to live longer lives than their spouses.

When you think about it, life is indeed a cycle but it also is a circle in that you start off as one person. Then you meet your partner and you get married and become two. From two, you become four or six depending upon the number of children you have and raise.

The cycle goes on.... your children grow up and they leave to build their own homes and raise their own families and you become two again. Some people have a longer period of time than others to enjoy what is usually known as their golden years. This period is one where both partners have retired from their jobs and where their children have flown the coop. They have only themselves to look after and to enjoy whatever years of life there are left. This is a period which some would regard as "liberation", liberated from the responsibilities of raising children, giving them an education and seeing them into adulthood.

Now is the time to do what we like....... travel if we have saved up enough money to do so and to pursue hobbies or do the things that we had been planning to do for a long time. For some this is the case, hence we see many older couples taking off for holidays, near or far. Unfortunately for others, one partner is struck down by health issues and this ties them both down, as one has to look after the other. One of my friends looked after her spouse for more than 4 years after he had a series of strokes. Physically he was there but he was unable to communicate and unable to do anything for himself. He lingered in this limbo for more than four years until the Lord called him home. Then only was she liberated. But then, she said she would rather he be there in person still. His physical person being there makes a lot of difference to her. When he left, she was bereft, all alone and this, she said was very hard to bear, harder than having to see him suffer and herself suffering along with him.

My own father too, changed when my mother left, the result of cancer. He became more and more solitary and retreated into himself. It was a matter of time before dementia overtook him and he also left us.

Even though we are adults, the loss of our parents had a profound effect on us. The feeling of loss is indescribable and there is always the feeling that perhaps we could have made it better for them while they were here. Time soon healed the sense of loss and we have memories to treasure. I sometimes take memories out of the treasure box of my life and enjoy the happy ones, reminiscing those cherished moments. I hope others do too.
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