Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Change for the Better or Worse?

The world is changing, not just physically in terms of environment and climate but also in mindset and attitudes. Being Asian and a Malaysian, I see the many changes that have come about, many of which are responsible for the social problems facing us today.

There is definitely a generation gap but it depends on which generation we are talking about. My parents’ generation which would be the mid nineteen fifties, would be aghast at the amorality of the majority of the current youth, i.e. the late teens to late twenties. They would have been horrified at the attitude of the now notorious duo who published their sexual acts on the internet, baring all and leaving nothing to the imagination. Had any of their children done this, they would have been disowned publicly for bringing shame and humiliation to their parents. How would they be able to look at friends and relatives in the face if their children had shamed them like this?

Some parents of my generation would still feel this shame and humiliation but will not go to the extent of publicly disowning our offspring. Keeping a stiff upper lip and maintaining the dignity of silence could be one reaction.

However it is interesting to note that many of the duo’s peers have come out to support their infamous deed and are of the opinion that such postings are nothing to fuss over and have accepted it with equanimity. The authorities aren’t leaving it at that. The university at which the young man is enrolled is considering measures for his breaching the code of conduct and his scholarship is in danger of being revoked. The Malaysian authorities are looking into whether the couple have broken the law by posting what is considered obscene material online.

The girl’s widowed mother is demanding that the duo marry but the boy’s family supports his view that marriage is not on the cards for now. He, despite his earlier bravado that he is unaffected by what people think of his actions, is, in my opinion, now capitulating to public outrage and has said that he will apologise to the university to keep his scholarship and to avoid expulsion. He is a final year student reading Law under a prestigious scholarship. At the moment he is on leave from the university and his scholarship funds have been suspended. To a certain extent he is being “forced” to conform by his intended action as he feels that he will receive a harsher punishment if he continues to show that he is unrepentant.

A good many people feel that this couple should have kept their sexual acts private and not for public viewing. So far it seems that many young women today think nothing of sending their naked photos to their boyfriends through their smart phones, whether out of narcissism or encouragement by their partners. Some however have regretted it when their erstwhile boyfriends chose to upload them onto the net either upon a falling out or for blackmail purposes. The newspapers have published a number of such cases.

Some parents have a different take on this. An indignant father said that he would castrate the young man. There are also parents who have been very liberal with their offspring, leaving them without “moral” anchors. It could be just a phase which the young will grow out of. Some have said that the young should be taught “no sex until after marriage”. Is this really possible given the current moral climate of permissiveness?

There is also the “do it but don’t get caught”, meaning don’t get pregnant. However, the young are still ignorant of how to avoid pregnancies and when the unwanted babies come, they are simply dumped or killed as a solution by the young mother who is often left in the lurch by the father of the baby.

Parenting is a great challenge today. It is no wonder that many married couples prefer to remain childless. Would you bring a child into the world as it is today?
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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Does Stress Change One’s Personality?

A remark made by someone yesterday led me to ponder over his statement. He said that living and working in a big city had changed his son. His son had become impatient and grumpy. To his parents’ disappointment he had no intention of settling down and raising a family, citing that he had no time to do so.

Why is it that “settling down” is perceived in Asian society at least, as getting married and raising a family? Why can it not simply be perceived as holding a stable job, having a roof over one’s head and being able to fend for oneself without drowning in debt or hocking oneself to the limit?

Perhaps it is this perception that one ought to settle down and raise a family that is adding to the stress in one’s life.

Working in a big city can be stressful as there are lengthy commutes in usually heavy traffic that can take up quite a lot of time. I’ve heard of people leaving home before 6:00 in the morning just to be able to get to their work places on time. This works both ways. In the evening one faces the same situation and if it rains, traffic jams can be so bad that you spend an extra hour on the road before you get home.

Work place pressures and the need to get ahead in the rat race contribute more pressure. So is it any wonder that a person becomes impatient and grumpy? Especially when one is constantly being asked about when one is going to settle down?

I think it is harder on the man than on a woman although these days many women prefer to remain single, whether to pursue their career dreams or simply having the freedom to decide on what one wishes to do, whether to eat in or out, to travel or spend one’s leave at home, etc. There won’t be another person who may not like what you want to do or children to tie you down.

A married man would have the onus of getting a house for his family, saving for his children’s education and a lot of other commitments. It is a fact that in private schools, at the elementary level, a parent has to fork out about RM20 thousand per year per child. One naturally wants one’s child to have the best in education so one has to be prepared to pay. Oh, the stress of all these is enough to turn one’s hair grey and even change one’s personality.

Indeed stress can change a normally placid person into a raging beast as evidenced in “road rage”, child abuse where the harassed parent turns on his/her own child to vent his/her frustration.
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