Coming to Terms with Old Age

How does one define old age? Many consider it the period after one’s retirement from the workforce as well as one’s chronological age on the wrong side of sixty. You can tell that you are growing old when your body slows down and you can no longer do the things you used to do or you do them at a much slower pace. Where once you could play back to back badminton games, you now settle for a slow jog or a brisk walk.

Someone said that when one has reached old age, the important things are a harmonious family, friends, good health and money. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have all four.

Young families often live on their own away from their parents. Privacy is what they want. It is true that there cannot be two women heading one household and the daughter-in-law usually wants her own home. However, many young people are quick to fall back on their folks when it comes to many things.

Horror stories of unreliable maids, child care centers where young children have died under their care, difficulty in finding a good child minder, etc. are reasons why more and more young parents are leaving their babies and toddlers with the grandparents.

So instead of enjoying their old age, these elders now find themselves having to care for another generation of youngsters. Which parent can say no when a son or daughter asks for your help? You rationalize that these are your grandchildren and you are happy that your children trust you to look after their offspring while they go to work.

However, we old folks must be aware that we are entitled to our own time, our enjoyment of activities that the state of our health permits us and to be free to do what we want to do, whether it is to have a natter with friends over a cup of coffee or dim sum or to travel to places that we could only dream of when we were younger, struggling to raise our families.

We should work out a compromise with our children, such as supervising their young toddlers say 2 or 3 times a week, no weekends and certainly no overnight stays. Many elders have been tasked with the chores of baby raising ( yes, cooking, feeding, washing, etc. plus overnight stays throughout the week ) so much so that they are hard done by. Their children have taken them for granted, that they will always be there to do these things for them. This is not fair as their parents have earned the right to retire and to relax, not to be burdened with child raising all over again. Unfortunately, the old parents do not know how to say no and find themselves in this undesirable situation.

I think young people should be sensitive to their old parents’ needs. After all, no one knows the number of their days left on earth. Shouldn’t these days be left for them to enjoy as they see fit?

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The Many Shades of Love

Love plays a major role in shaping lives. A young child who is nurtured with love will know how to love. Siblings that are brought up in an atmosphere of love will have close bonds that last. Family love is what holds the family together in good times and bad. “Blood is thicker than water” holds true more often than not.

However, there are different types of love. There is the love among friends, where close friendships are built over a period of time and have been tried and tested.

There is also the platonic love between people of opposite sexes, where close friendship has been forged and remains as friendship which either party can depend on, in times of stress and hardship, where sexual relationship has no place.

The most common love relationship is of the heterosexual kind, between a man and a woman and this kind of love is the most complicated of all. Yet it is the most exciting and most romantic especially in the first phase, the phase of courtship where the chase can be an exhilarating experience. It used to be ( and I hope it still is for the majority )the man chasing the woman but in this upside down world now, it is also where the woman chases the man!

Most of these relationships happily end in a walk down the aisle but many these days simply end in a mutual arrangement to live together. I guess the latter makes it convenient to opt out when things aren’t going well between them. Marriage requires a strong commitment to make it work, especially when there is a child involved.

Sometimes relationships become jaded, a case where familiarity can breed contempt and love fizzles out. One partner may move on to someone new, leaving behind the other to suffer in anguish and despair.

Some may get divorced so that both parties can have a new beginning. Others may remain in loveless marriages because of the children or because of other reasons.

Whatever it is, love cannot be taken for granted even if your partner loves you very much. It has to be nurtured like a garden.

If you do not water the flowers or the plants, they will wilt and then die, leaving it a place overgrown with weeds or worse, just a barren patch.

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