Coming to Terms with Old Age

How does one define old age? Many consider it the period after one’s retirement from the workforce as well as one’s chronological age on the wrong side of sixty. You can tell that you are growing old when your body slows down and you can no longer do the things you used to do or you do them at a much slower pace. Where once you could play back to back badminton games, you now settle for a slow jog or a brisk walk.

Someone said that when one has reached old age, the important things are a harmonious family, friends, good health and money. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have all four.

Young families often live on their own away from their parents. Privacy is what they want. It is true that there cannot be two women heading one household and the daughter-in-law usually wants her own home. However, many young people are quick to fall back on their folks when it comes to many things.

Horror stories of unreliable maids, child care centers where young children have died under their care, difficulty in finding a good child minder, etc. are reasons why more and more young parents are leaving their babies and toddlers with the grandparents.

So instead of enjoying their old age, these elders now find themselves having to care for another generation of youngsters. Which parent can say no when a son or daughter asks for your help? You rationalize that these are your grandchildren and you are happy that your children trust you to look after their offspring while they go to work.

However, we old folks must be aware that we are entitled to our own time, our enjoyment of activities that the state of our health permits us and to be free to do what we want to do, whether it is to have a natter with friends over a cup of coffee or dim sum or to travel to places that we could only dream of when we were younger, struggling to raise our families.

We should work out a compromise with our children, such as supervising their young toddlers say 2 or 3 times a week, no weekends and certainly no overnight stays. Many elders have been tasked with the chores of baby raising ( yes, cooking, feeding, washing, etc. plus overnight stays throughout the week ) so much so that they are hard done by. Their children have taken them for granted, that they will always be there to do these things for them. This is not fair as their parents have earned the right to retire and to relax, not to be burdened with child raising all over again. Unfortunately, the old parents do not know how to say no and find themselves in this undesirable situation.

I think young people should be sensitive to their old parents’ needs. After all, no one knows the number of their days left on earth. Shouldn’t these days be left for them to enjoy as they see fit?

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