Dementia, senility, a nightmare

“Have the men had enough” by Margaret Forster is a
must-read for anyone who enjoys reading. It has its
funny moments and is very readable. It tells of a
family coping with their grandmother who is sliding
into senility.

We see the emotions of the granddaughter, the
daughter and the daughter-in-law as they manage
their lives around the beloved grandma who loses
her grasp on reality day by day.

There will be those of us who can empathise with
the family and understand their feelings and
helplessness.

If we get to live to a ripe old age without losing our
marbles, then we are very lucky indeed. Health is
really wealth, not just physical health but mental
health. It’s possible to be healthy, yet be senile.

This is the foremost fear in my own mind. What if
I become non compos mentis down the road? It
will be a terrible burden on my family. Emotions
are bound to run high.

What will happen? Caregivers will be taxed to
the maximum because a senile person can be
impossible in his/her ways. Paranoia presents
in many forms. My father was always convinced
that someone had stolen his money, even though
he was shown that his money was intact in his
little money-box. Repeating the same thing over
and over again like a long-playing record is
another habit that one has to live with. Some
senile people may no longer have control over
their bodily functions. Some may not be mobile
or may have to be helped to move around.

Will paid caregivers be patient and caring under
these circumstances?

Having paid care-givers around the clock is very
costly and most people would not be able to
afford it. Many have resorted to dumping their
senile parents in hospitals when they take them
there for treatment of an ailment. Others put
them in old folks’ homes, most of which do
not have specially trained staff to cope with
dementia.

What happens then? It is not difficult to imagine
the gross neglect as the senile inmate would be
deemed as “bonkers’ and be wilfully left alone,
most likely to stew in urine and faeces, especially
if he/she is no longer able to communicate
coherently. In the worst scenario, he/she could be
victimized and even abused physically as
“punishment” for having dirtied oneself and
the sheets.

There will be no visits of course, as by then, the
senile parent would most likely be unable to
recognize the offspring. So it will be a case of out
of sight, out of mind. Any sense of guilt would
be rationalized away.

I shudder to think of it. It’s a nightmare that
no one wants to have, but unfortunately, it has
happened for many and there are many who are
living in this nightmare.

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