3 Things in Life that Can Destroy You

What are these 3 things that can destroy you? They are Anger, Pride and Unforgiveness.

Anger – those feelings that can explode in a second and destroy not only you but those around you. Harbouring feelings of anger is like an active volcano, smouldering, waiting to explode and unleash its fury.
The smallest thing can trigger it off and lead a person to do things on the spur of the moment which he will most likely spend the rest of his life regretting. Murders have been committed in anger, harsh words have been uttered in a wild moment of anger. Heart attacks have been triggered by anger, people have been struck down by strokes in a fit of anger. Not only are relationships destroyed by anger but your life too can also be destroyed or lost.

Yet, anger is an emotion that is hard to control, especially if you have a short fuse and are easily provoked. I admire a person who can stay calm in the fury of someone’s anger. More often that not, the other person’s anger triggers your feelings too and you may even retaliate. The best thing to do is to turn on your heel and walk away.
However, that could also be risky as the other person, maddened by his anger, would be further infuriated and could go after you with murderous intent.

“Pride goes before a Fall” as the proverb goes. In some religions, it is also considered sinful to be proud. What makes a person proud? Status? Achievement? Wealth?


On the other hand it is not wrong to be proud of our child’s achievement so long as we are not boastful about it.

However, if you keep blowing your own trumpet about your achievements and status, you will definitely lose your friends unless all of you belong to the same group and get a thrill out of outdoing one another! After all “birds of a feather flock together”.

Some people may not like you because of your pride and they may want to take you down a peg or two, to humiliate you.

Then again, if someone is too proud to admit that he has made a mistake and continues to do the same thing even though he has been advised not to, then he could be heading towards ruin. He may even lose his wealth and all that he has worked for just because of pride.

Then how about being too proud to say sorry when you are in the wrong? This is true of relationships. After a misunderstanding or an argument, a partner may be unwilling to be the first to say “sorry” because of pride.
When the apology is not forthcoming, the aggrieved party may feel hurt or stay angry with the likely consequence of going separate ways.

Unforgiveness is a cancer that will eat into your soul and eventually destroy you. You will become a bitter person because you cannot forget and you cannot forgive. Ever heard of “To err is human, to forgive, divine”? No one is perfect and all of us have done something wrong, something we now regret. Surely that wrong should be forgiven and not held against us for our lifetime?

Yet I know of people who harbour feelings of unforgiveness that have degenerated into hatred, bitterness and cynicism. All these feelings have left a mark on their faces. Lines of bitterness have been etched into their faces and their expressions are dour and very unattractive.
Until she learns to forgive and forget the unhappy experience, she will never be free of the burden hanging like a millstone round her neck, weighing her down. She will no longer have the joie d’vivre as she will only radiate negative vibes. This is truly self-destruction.

So if we can learn to control and diffuse our anger, be less proud and more forgiving, perhaps we can then say that we are making progress in the school of life.

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LOVE, FRIENDS n FAMILY, KINDNESS

Another three things in life that are most valuable are LOVE, FRIENDS and FAMILY and KINDNESS.

LOVE is difficult to define as there are many types of love: love for family, love for friends, platonic love, love between a man and a woman, “love” for another human being. A mother’s love knows no bounds and a mother will do anything for her child, even at the risk of her own life.
There have been cases where a cancer-stricken mother refuses chemotherapy so that her unborn baby will live, mothers who forgive their errant offspring who have committed heinous crimes. Only a mother will stand by her child, no matter what the circumstances. This is LOVE.

Friends and family are important because they give much-needed SUPPORT in many ways. Family bonds are close-knit and family members will rally round when one is in need. Friends are supportive during times of pressure and when you feel you can’t talk to your family about certain subjects. They lend an ear and sometimes offer a perspective which you’ve not thought of before.


I believe that single women these days need to have good dependable friends, be they of the same or opposite sex. They may not have family to fall back upon so friends are of utmost importance. We all need friends as no man can be an island. So if you have very good friends, hold on to them firmly and nurture those friendships. Even if we are very busy with work and commitments, we must find time for friends. It could be a short phone call, a card, an email or going out for a cuppa during the weekend. They could be our lifeline, someday. One can never tell.

An act of KINDNESS goes a long way. (STAR newspaper 20 Jan 10) A Chinese motorcycle shop owner allows the middle-aged Indian couple who live in a shack behind his shop to use the electricity and water supply from his shop and he also gives them a monthly allowance of RM150.00. The wife is unable to work because she has to look after her husband who cannot walk or talk after a stroke. Their relatives being poor themselves are unable to help them. This act of kindness means the difference between life and death for this Indian couple. Their daughter had run away at the age of 13 because she could not stand their poverty-stricken circumstances.

There are many poor and destitute people for whom there is no form of assistance from the government. On the other hand there are many people who live very privileged lives in a world so far apart that it seems another planet altogether. Can they not do anything to help those who are in dire straits? After all, our acquisitions will no longer matter when Death comes calling. Naked we come into this world, naked we will exit it. So is it not better to give away some of what we have to those in need? Or do something to help?

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Time, Words, Opportunity

There are three things in life that once gone, never come back. They are TIME, WORDS and OPPORTUNITY.

As the saying goes, “Time and Tide wait for no man”. Time goes by relentlessly, regardless of what we do. The clock keeps ticking, life goes on. How we use our time is up to us, whether we manage it efficiently or idle it away.


To some people, time is money and they do not let it go by without doing something that will give them monetary returns. To the dreamers, they day dream the hours away, lost in their dream world. To the old and sick, time drags its feet and to lovers, time fleets by too quickly. As my mum said, “You can never turn back the clock.”

Words are expressions of what we feel. Once they leave our mouths, we cannot take them back. That is why my mum always reminded me that I must think before I speak. But alas, sometimes in the heat of the moment, things are said that are regretted later but it is already too late. The damage has been done.
The advice that one should count up to ten before speaking, especially when one is angry, is worth noting.

The same goes for promises that are made, very often on the spur of the moment. Are you sure you can fulfil what you have promised? A man’s word is his honor. On the other hand, some will tell you that “Promises are made to be broken”. Sadly, this is a fact of life. How often have you found yourself disillusioned because your friend did not keep his promise? You had trusted him implicitly but his words were just bubbles that floated away and burst soon after. Honor is a rare gem these days.

What about opportunity? The adage “Strike while the iron is hot” comes to mind. However, it is not always that one can recognize an opportunity when it presents itself so it is lost. Thus the saying goes “Opportunity does not knock twice.” It takes an astute man to recognize an opportunity and to seize it there and then. Only then are fortunes made. Not all of us are astute.

I would like to think that we can find the time and the opportunity to say words of kindness to someone that will make a difference at that point of time. Who knows, you may save a life, or bring hope in the depths of despair.

Nowadays I like to stop and take the time to smell the roses, which thankfully, I do have in my garden. The pink ones have a very distinctive, sweet fragrance but unfortunately they do not last longer than a day.

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Part 2 Do's & Don'ts

Here's part two of sharing my friend’s list.

“Make peace with your past so that it won’t spoil the present. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.”

This is why we have eyes that look forward and not backward! The past should be laid to rest. Focus on the present and look forward to the future. Your happiness is what you make of it. The simple things in life can make one happy, such as breathing in the fresh air in the early morning and listening to the first songs of the birds as they greet the new day even before the sky lights up. Try this experience. Take a deep breath and walk barefoot on the grass still wet with dew. I’m so lucky that this is how my day begins (on the mornings that I don't play golf 'cos I leave home before the birds wake up). The birds sing different songs and the early morning breeze is so cool and silky against my skin. It’s a great start to the new day.

“You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.”

Growing old doesn’t mean that we have to stop enjoying life. It doesn’t mean that we have to forgo the little pleasures that make us smile or laugh aloud. A hearty laugh is good for the soul, good for our health. Look at the laughing clubs that have been set up in India. It’s therapeutic. When you laugh, others laugh along with you but when you cry, you cry alone.

Look on the funny side of things, laugh more and you will live longer.

“When you wake up ALIVE in the morning, say a prayer of Thanks to God.”


This is a wonder of life. Where do we go when we sleep? What happens to our souls?
Some people don’t wake up from their sleep. Even babies have been found cold and lifeless the following morning after they had been put to bed, alive and well the previous night. Some old people expire in their sleep and we say that they are lucky to “go” so peacefully in their sleep. I find that as I grow older, I recall more clearly what my father said to me a long time ago when he was still alive. He said that everyday is a bonus.

So indeed, everyday is a bonus, as we never know what will happen the next day. Will we be here still? Or will we have made our exit? Have we done all that we want to do before we check out? Will our passing make a real difference to those left behind?

Thus I tell myself that I will make each day meaningful, thank the Lord for a good day before I go to sleep, ask for His protection for my family and when I wake up in the morning, I thank the Him for the bonus.

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Do's & Don'ts

I received an email containing a list of do’s and don’ts for this year and I’d like to share some of the more interesting points with you.

Top of the list is this:
“Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Life is a school and we are here to learn. The problems are part of the curriculum and they appear and fade away just like the algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.”


There are times when one can hear “ It’s life. One’s life is different from another’s” as translated from “Chit lang chit lang eh miah”. We are on earth to learn lessons failing which we will return in another life to learn all over again until we master the lessons that we have to learn. In the New Age books this idea has been put forth whereby life is a continuous learning journey of the soul.

“Don’t have negative thoughts and don’t worry about things over which we have no control. Instead, focus on the positive.”

This is a very positive and encouraging point as many of us are prone to negative thoughts thereby trapping ourselves in a cycle of negativity. It would be to our advantage to focus only on the positive and to remove ourselves from the vicinity of people who are negative. Stick with positive people and you will find a difference in yourself. Negative people are killjoys and will also kill your joy of life.

“Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.”

It’s good if you can stand back and laugh at yourself. Wallowing in self pity will get you nowhere and you could lose your friends. When you moan and groan about your situation, you can drain your friend’s energy and she will feel depleted. Small wonder that she will no longer accept your invitations to meet up.


“Your job won’t take care of you when you fall ill. Your friends will, so keep in touch.”

I think I will have to qualify “friends” because they are so many types of friends: true friends who have been tried and tested and still stand by you, those who are fair-weather friends only when things are good and they can get something out of you, those who are just nodding acquaintances and those who profess to be your friend but back-stab you all the while. Only your true friends will come and help you when you are in need. So if you know who they are, never lose touch but keep in close contact.
Be there for them as they will be there for you. If you have more than a handful of such friends, count yourself as extremely lucky.

There is more to share but that will be the next chapter as I think there is a lot for you to chew on here.

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The Maid, Boon or Bane?

Yesterday I received an invitation from an old friend to go to her club and watch the sun go down which I had to decline as I do not have such a luxury of time anymore. I told her it was not possible as I had to cook dinner for my family.

We met for early lunch instead during which she brought up the subject of why I had to cook. I informed her that we do not have a maid and haven’t had one for the past two years. “Why not?” she asked.

It’s not that we can’t afford to engage one. It’s just that we’ve been let down so many times by the maids we used to have. Year before last, we returned home from a holiday to find that my house plants had withered and died, even though the maid was tasked to water them in my absence. She not only did not do the housework but she also ran up a telephone bill of RM1500.00 during the three weeks that we were away.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, she had destroyed the bills so that we had no inkling of what she had done. It was only after I received a notice of imminent disconnection of our telephone line that we discovered what she had been doing instead of working. By that time my daughter had terminated her employment as she could no longer tolerate her lies and her laziness.

The one prior to that dishonest maid lasted only two days because she was homesick.So my daughter had to send her all the way back to the house where she was staying with her friends that very night itself.

Apart from the red tape of getting a work permit and agent fees, etc etc, t’s such a hassle to deal with them that we’d rather not have one.

Instead of the employer interviewing them, they “interview” you. Before you can even ask them about their work experience, they want to know how much you will pay them, the size of your house, the number of occupants, how many meals they have to cook etc etc. They want a t.v., a fan, etc. etc

When you ask them if they know how to cook, they say yes, they can do this, they can do that. Come the time when they start work, you realize that they don’t even know how to turn on the gas fire, they don’t know how to use the rice cooker nor the washing machine. They don’t know how to iron clothes, in other words, what they told us were lies when they said they could do everything. They couldn’t even fry vegetables! And they had demanded a high salary.

That’s ok. Patiently I teach them slowly, how to do everything from scratch. I show them how to hang the clothes on the lines, how to fold them etc. However, when I was away, my daughter told me, on my return, that the maid didn’t even bother to peg the clothes on the lines so that the wind blew them all over the garden and she couldn’t care less when ticked off. In fact my daughter said that she lost weight when the maid was “working” for us. She stole the children’s things, their special treats, etc. and my daughter couldn’t take it anymore and told her to leave.


She asked me to try out whether we can do without a maid as she was fed up with them. It’s worked out fine as the grandchildren are now bigger and they can help with the chores. We now have a lady who comes in for a few hours on Saturdays to do some general cleaning.

So sometimes it’s no wonder that employers, who do not have as much patience or are as long-suffering, blow up in anger and abuse their maids. Still, that is no excuse to abuse someone. But when you hear of the horrifying things that are reported in the newspapers such as the maids putting their menstrual blood into the family soup so that the family will be hexed and be under their “control”, it really sends shivers down your spine.

There have also been reports of maids abusing their young charges when their employers are away at work. There was even a case of a maid who killed the toddler and served up his body parts at the dinner table.

No wonder my good friends have to take turns with the other set of in-laws every couple of months to commute to Singapore to supervise the maid looking after their grandchild.

Another friend who also has two grandchildren has to supervise the three maids that her daughter employs. She finds that in itself very stressful.

The young couples who have their parents willing to help supervise the maids or help with the grandchildren are very lucky indeed. Those who do not, have to leave their young children to the tender mercies of the maids.


This brings back the comments of another friend who feels that it is better for young mothers to stay at home and look after their children especially when they are young and in their formative years rather than leave them in the hands of maids who are largely uneducated and untrained in child care. Sacrifices have to be made, especially when there is only one income during these times of economic hardship but one has to weigh the benefits of nurturing one’s child against that of a second income, of which a sizable chunk would go to paying the maid’s salary. Then again, you are bringing an unknown quantity into your home, a stranger in every respect and you are going to trust your young child to that stranger.

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