Tough!!

It's really tough! My bootcamp colleagues met up yesterday and we were appalled to find that the majority of us have not been able to apply what we were taught over that weekend.

It was very demoralising. We picked each other's brains but did not come up with anything that could help us set up our website.

Our group leader was very helpful and he showed us his blog-based website. He also showed us some of his affiliate links.

I've been trying ever so hard to download a blogskin onto my blog to make it look nicer but I failed miserably. I could not find where to download onto my blog. In the process I lost the "layout" tab and in its place is the "Template" tag. Now I can't get to the page to edit the page elements which comes under the layout tab.

This is making me miserable. I've posted a question on this problem in the forum section and I hope some kind person out there will be able to give me some help.

This internet business and websites design is really tough especially for a person like me without any technical knowledge or basic computing skills. I guess it will take a lot more hours of reading and learning in order to get somewhere. Good luck to me!!!

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Attending Online Business Bootcamp

Interesting program, check out DerricChew.com

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I wish you enough....

Today I received an email entitled " I wish you enough".


On reading it, I was so moved that tears rolled down my cheeks for it reminded me of the time when I felt the same way. I too lived a very long distance away from my elderly parents and the only means of travel was by air. In those days, an air ticket was very expensive, more than a month's salary.


Because of that, I was unable to make it home for my siblings' weddings. Being in the teaching profession also meant that one could not take leave unlike the luckier ones in other professions.


Each time I managed to return home and it used to be only once a year then, during the year end school holidays, the time spent at my parents' home seemed all too short as the days flew past very quickly.


My mother used to lament the fact that I was so far away and as the years rolled by and she fell seriously ill, going home was always a time fraught with anxieties and misgivings. Watching her growing more frail than the previous visit made my heart ache and each time I returned to my own home it was always with the fear that it could have been my last visit with her.


Towards the end she was in and out of consciousness, heavily sedated with morphine and whether she was able to sense her children's presence was unclear. What was clear was the pain she was in, despite the morphine. The last time I saw her was during the Chinese New Year, a shadow of herself, eyes closed, lying so still on her bed. The Chinese New Year holidays were just a couple of days and I had to return to work. Taking leave of her this time was heart-rending. I dared not shed tears for it would not do, as my father was there, with her all the time. The tears were shed in my heart and on board the plane for I knew deep down that the next time I see her, my mother would have left us. I would only see the shell of her.


True enough before the 15 days of the Chinese New Year were up, I received a call from my sister that mum had passed on.


Because death comes unannounced and stealthily, you can never be ready for it, not even when you are at the bedside all the time. It always takes you by surprise. So it was when the phone call came. The earliest flight back home was the following day. By the time I arrived, mum had already been encoffined.


She looked very peaceful at rest, very much younger too as death had smoothened the lines of pain. Her wake was well-attended by friends and relatives and floral tributes overflowed into the garden. We were much saddened by her passing but glad to let her go as she had been suffering for a long period. Bone cancer is the most painful of all cancers. Any slight movement, even a light touch was enough to send her into spasms of unbearable pain.


The pain of losing a mother is unlike any pain; it is far greater than that of losing a lover. The void, the emptiness leaves you feeling very hollow and the pain is almost physical. It was a long time before I could think of her without feeling any pain.

I would like to share the email "I wish you enough" with you.

I wish you Enough

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone..' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more.

'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.
He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

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The One Left Behind

The doctor told me this morning that women in Malaysia live longer than men. He said that Malaysian women can live up to 75 or even 80 years of age whereas men will live up to 70. I think this is also the case worldwide. Women seem to live longer lives than their spouses.

When you think about it, life is indeed a cycle but it also is a circle in that you start off as one person. Then you meet your partner and you get married and become two. From two, you become four or six depending upon the number of children you have and raise.

The cycle goes on.... your children grow up and they leave to build their own homes and raise their own families and you become two again. Some people have a longer period of time than others to enjoy what is usually known as their golden years. This period is one where both partners have retired from their jobs and where their children have flown the coop. They have only themselves to look after and to enjoy whatever years of life there are left. This is a period which some would regard as "liberation", liberated from the responsibilities of raising children, giving them an education and seeing them into adulthood.

Now is the time to do what we like....... travel if we have saved up enough money to do so and to pursue hobbies or do the things that we had been planning to do for a long time. For some this is the case, hence we see many older couples taking off for holidays, near or far. Unfortunately for others, one partner is struck down by health issues and this ties them both down, as one has to look after the other. One of my friends looked after her spouse for more than 4 years after he had a series of strokes. Physically he was there but he was unable to communicate and unable to do anything for himself. He lingered in this limbo for more than four years until the Lord called him home. Then only was she liberated. But then, she said she would rather he be there in person still. His physical person being there makes a lot of difference to her. When he left, she was bereft, all alone and this, she said was very hard to bear, harder than having to see him suffer and herself suffering along with him.

My own father too, changed when my mother left, the result of cancer. He became more and more solitary and retreated into himself. It was a matter of time before dementia overtook him and he also left us.

Even though we are adults, the loss of our parents had a profound effect on us. The feeling of loss is indescribable and there is always the feeling that perhaps we could have made it better for them while they were here. Time soon healed the sense of loss and we have memories to treasure. I sometimes take memories out of the treasure box of my life and enjoy the happy ones, reminiscing those cherished moments. I hope others do too.

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