The Pain and the Joy

I don’t know if you have ever felt this way. Have you ever been in a situation where suddenly a good friend goes incommunicado and despite frequent attempts to resume communication, steadfastly resists overtures made to her?

The bewilderment, the pain of not knowing what went awry in such a good friendship is very hurtful. The sudden halt to regular get-togetherswas a shock. The not knowing whether I’ve offended and in which way makes things worse.

I simply couldn’t think of anything which I could have done to cheese her off and reluctantly I accepted that it could be a situation where a friend feels the need to keep a distance because she has outgrown the friendship. I really don’t know.

Because she is such a good and close friend I feel very sad over this. The happy memories are still there but they only sharpen the present sense of loss.

Then by chance I happened on her one day and we exchanged pleasantries. It wasn’t the time to ask the whys and why nots as she was busy and on her way somewhere but at least there was an intimation of sort that we could get together again.

To me this was a great joy, a feeling that is hard to describe.
Maybe if the meeting materialises, we could move forward from there. I do fervently hope that it will. Hope springs eternal in the human breast and a renewal of friendship is something wonderful to look forward to.

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Keeping Close

As one grows older, one appreciates and values more the relationships we have with people around us. I wonder why when young, we do not do so. Is it because we were so taken up with the there and then, the concern with activities, rivalry that we often took for granted the relationships?

Going through school, making friends, graduating from college and university, some relationships grew closer and endured while others petered away. Keeping in touch constantly helps foster the relationships, be it the annual greeting cards, the occasional phone calls or emails these days.

However as some of us may have discovered, texting and emails are not the same as talking over the phone, be it a local call or an overseas call. The sound of the voice of a loved one makes all the difference and invokes feelings no text or email can.

Thanks to phone cards, the cost of international calls has become more affordable and makes possible frequent contact with siblings and friends who are far away.

I find that I appreciate my siblings more and feel the need to maintain closer contact now that we are all growing older by the day. Time has become of the essence as we do not know how much time is left to us so each contact is all the more precious and meaningful, even though we may talk of mundane matters.

To my siblings and dear old friends, thank you for the lifelong friendship and for making a difference in my life.

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Goodbye 2010 !

2010 is on its way out. It didn’t seem too long ago that we were ushering it in. Where has all the time gone? How was it significant for you? Were there events in your life that stood out to make it a remarkable year?

Or did it steal by you so unobtrusively that only the year end festivities and unending queues at the checkout counters in the stores bring home the point that indeed a whole year has gone and we are waiting to welcome in another new decade.

The last week of the year sees many people making new year resolutions with all the best intentions.

Have you made your list?

Although some may consider it a jaded practice, nonetheless it does set the frame for your plans.
Setting achievable goals, making holiday plans, personal development, etc. etc. This gives an impetus to start the new year right. Something to work towards and don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter small or big. Success breeds success.

I too have my list and personal development is high on the agenda. It will be the mind against time.

How much can I absorb of the technicalities of the vast array of information technology and to apply that knowledge to bring to fruition the projects I’ve dreamed of. How fast can I go?

Here’s wishing all of you a Happy and Prosperous New Year as 2011 takes the stage when 2010 bows out. Cheers!

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Not just the Kids

In my previous post I shared about the pressure to perform among young school children, especially children in Asian countries.

It's not just the kids who are under such stress. It's
the adults too! The other day I heard someone venting that the majority
of people are stuck in the rat race, unable to get out even if they
wanted tobecause there's no apparent alternative. He said that the only difference is whether you are a highly-paid rat or a poorly-paid one. The fact remains that we're all rats!!

Even if you own your own business, you're still in the rat race because you're competing for business, striving to outdo your competitors. How far you are prepared to go depends on what's driving you.

It could be wanting a "better" life for your family, a more comfortable lifestyle, a higher status in society, etc. However, these things come at a cost. You find yourself working longer hours, having to prove to the boss that you're worthy of a promotion and a bigger pay packet, or if you're the boss, having to entertain clients to clinch that important business deal, travelling to source goods, etc, etc.

So that time has to be debited from time that is meant to be for the family. These days it's not just the dads but the mums as well that are missing from family time.
A dual income family is more the norm these days as a higher standard of living entails more expenses. Sometimes there is a misplaced perception of having to keep up with the Joneses. Their kids go to private schools, so will mine!

What happens? The children are left to their own devices and many of them have come out to say that their parents do not have time for them and as such they do not feel any closeness in their relationships with their parents. There is no real bonding. Their material wants are met but not their emotional needs. They become vulnerable to ruthless predators whether in the offline or online community.

There is a real danger of our Asian family fabric coming apart at the seams. Asian families used to be close-knit and family bonds superseded all else. When one is in distress, the others rally round to assist. However, this is often the exception now. Everyone is too busy.

Is it worth the price? Having a lovely home with all the external trappings of luxury but ringing hollow, with family members estranged, no closeness with your children now into their teens, and almost like strangers, who possibly regard you as an ATM that will finance their wants, the purchase of the latest gadgets,
who prefer to spend time chatting with their friends online rather than have a meaningful conversation with you? Maybe it's because they don't know how to talk to you anymore???
How well do you know your children who in such a short time have morphed into young adults?

What kind of model are you for them? What qualities have you imbued them with? What living skills have you given them?

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