Goodbye 2010 !

2010 is on its way out. It didn’t seem too long ago that we were ushering it in. Where has all the time gone? How was it significant for you? Were there events in your life that stood out to make it a remarkable year?

Or did it steal by you so unobtrusively that only the year end festivities and unending queues at the checkout counters in the stores bring home the point that indeed a whole year has gone and we are waiting to welcome in another new decade.

The last week of the year sees many people making new year resolutions with all the best intentions.

Have you made your list?

Although some may consider it a jaded practice, nonetheless it does set the frame for your plans.
Setting achievable goals, making holiday plans, personal development, etc. etc. This gives an impetus to start the new year right. Something to work towards and don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter small or big. Success breeds success.

I too have my list and personal development is high on the agenda. It will be the mind against time.

How much can I absorb of the technicalities of the vast array of information technology and to apply that knowledge to bring to fruition the projects I’ve dreamed of. How fast can I go?

Here’s wishing all of you a Happy and Prosperous New Year as 2011 takes the stage when 2010 bows out. Cheers!

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Not just the Kids

In my previous post I shared about the pressure to perform among young school children, especially children in Asian countries.

It's not just the kids who are under such stress. It's
the adults too! The other day I heard someone venting that the majority
of people are stuck in the rat race, unable to get out even if they
wanted tobecause there's no apparent alternative. He said that the only difference is whether you are a highly-paid rat or a poorly-paid one. The fact remains that we're all rats!!

Even if you own your own business, you're still in the rat race because you're competing for business, striving to outdo your competitors. How far you are prepared to go depends on what's driving you.

It could be wanting a "better" life for your family, a more comfortable lifestyle, a higher status in society, etc. However, these things come at a cost. You find yourself working longer hours, having to prove to the boss that you're worthy of a promotion and a bigger pay packet, or if you're the boss, having to entertain clients to clinch that important business deal, travelling to source goods, etc, etc.

So that time has to be debited from time that is meant to be for the family. These days it's not just the dads but the mums as well that are missing from family time.
A dual income family is more the norm these days as a higher standard of living entails more expenses. Sometimes there is a misplaced perception of having to keep up with the Joneses. Their kids go to private schools, so will mine!

What happens? The children are left to their own devices and many of them have come out to say that their parents do not have time for them and as such they do not feel any closeness in their relationships with their parents. There is no real bonding. Their material wants are met but not their emotional needs. They become vulnerable to ruthless predators whether in the offline or online community.

There is a real danger of our Asian family fabric coming apart at the seams. Asian families used to be close-knit and family bonds superseded all else. When one is in distress, the others rally round to assist. However, this is often the exception now. Everyone is too busy.

Is it worth the price? Having a lovely home with all the external trappings of luxury but ringing hollow, with family members estranged, no closeness with your children now into their teens, and almost like strangers, who possibly regard you as an ATM that will finance their wants, the purchase of the latest gadgets,
who prefer to spend time chatting with their friends online rather than have a meaningful conversation with you? Maybe it's because they don't know how to talk to you anymore???
How well do you know your children who in such a short time have morphed into young adults?

What kind of model are you for them? What qualities have you imbued them with? What living skills have you given them?

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The Pressure to Perform

A few days ago, my grandson came running up to where I was waiting for his sister and him after the school bell had rung. He thrust a piece of paper into my hand.

I looked at it and realised that it was the results slip of the national elementary school examinations. He had accomplished what he had set out to do, to achieve the maximum 7As in all the subjects he sat for in the examination. I congratulated him on getting through with such flying colours. His sister then came up and asked how he fared. Knowing that it would be her turn to sit for the same examination the next year and having her brother already setting the standard, she must be feeling the pressure now.

In fact the school which they attend, is also under great pressure to perform, to produce as many top students as possible, so much so that the children who will be sitting for the examination next year, are required to attend another extra two weeks of school even though it is now officially vacation time. So while the rest of the school children are enjoying their year end holidays, my granddaughter and her classmates will have another two weeks' of school.

Although these two siblings are not put under pressure to excel in their examinations but only told to do their best, nevertheless they put themselves under pressure as their classmates are very competitive.

It is a fact that Malaysians are a very competitive lot and from young, this trait has been honed by peer pressure and more often than not, by parental pressure. Doing well means more opportunities later in life, especially if they are disciplined to give of their best in whatever they do. In this regard, credit must go to the Chinese schools where such discipline is imposed upon the children. Sadly, the same cannot be said of many national schools where discipline is lax and schools under perform, except for those with long-standing traditions of good school culture.

Still, one cannot help but wonder if this pressure to perform is all good. Some children cannot take pressure and often suffer physically and mentally. The paper chase can be taken to the extreme and the wholistic development of a child is often forgotten. Not all children are academically inclined and the education system has to cater for all types of children, to nurture latent talents and impart skills of living and interacting, rather than to focus on the strings of As and Bs.

Let children be children, allow them to enjoy their childhood. Let not the adults be killjoys by ramming studies down their little throats. It's time the whole education system be revamped to be more practical and functional, to encourage critical thinking and creativity, to foster character development, social skills and skills that will be of use to them later on in life.

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Then and Now

I am now at an age where I can make comparisons between "then" and "now". Changes have evolved at such a quick pace and man's creativity is astounding.

In my childhood days, all laundry was done
with a wooden scrubbing board and a metal basin of water. Then came the washing machine
which automated the process and the chore which let you have well-toned arms is now a flick of the switch and pressing a couple of buttons. The machine even beeps to let you know that your wash is done.This is truly a housewife's boon.
The way we communicate today is a far cry from what it used to be. The old telephone with the ring dial
has been superceded by the handphones of innumerable styles with multiple functions
such as internet surfing, texting, taking photographs, videos, social networking,emailing,playing games, etc., etc.However, the downside is that everyone is so engrossed with whatever they are doing on their phones
that good, old face-to-face interaction has taken a backseat. Haven't you ever felt lost with your handphone? If you found yourself in a spot where you had forgotten to bring it along with you, didn't you feel bereft? It's as if you left a part of yourself behind!
To me, my phone is like a life-line. The other day I forgot it as I was in a hurry to get to town. The result? I made sure I drove very slowly so that I wouldn't find myself in a situation where I would be helpless without any means to call for help. I can tell you it was quite stressful!
Gadgetry is here to stay. Even the very young ones are adept at handling and using them!
These will the tech whizzes of the next generation. Everything will be technology-based and if you do not keep abreast of the fast-changing innovatons and the superspeed evolution of knowledge,you will be like a fossil, frozen in your time capsule.

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Are We Done?

As previously mentioned, life is a cycle. From babyhood to childhood to adolescence;we continue to develop and grow into young adults. Work, courtship, marriage, bringing up babies, educating them until they become independent young adults who then continue the cycle as we have done.

Once the youngest child leaves the home to build his own, are we as parents done? Have we discharged our responsibilities once he or she leaves home to get married?

Or is it only the beginning of another stage?

I guess it depends on individual parents. There are those who feel happy that their children are off their hands, so to speak, no more a financial responsibility and there is someone else who will look after them, either husbands or wives.

There are others who still feel they have to help out when the babies come along. Some friends have said that being grandparents is wonderful because you get to play with the babies and then hand them back when they get too much to handle.

Yet there are folks whose children treat them as unpaid help and make them look after the babies, plus the housework as well. They drop their young children at their parents' place and do not pick them up until late at night, and this is for everyday of the week! Not even the weekends are free as they themselves want to relax after working during the week. For goodness sake! What do they take their parents for? Why have babies if they don't want to look after them? These babies are their responsiblity, not their parents'.


Surely their parents have done more than enough for them? Aren't they entitled to a life of their own, to relax and enjoy whatever years they have left of their lives?

To all grandparents, if you ever feel that you are being imposed upon by your children, it is time you stand up for yourself. Make it clear that your responsibilities are done, and that you can help out in emergencies but in no way are you going to be full-time nannies a second time round.
It's time to be selfish and to live for yourselves for you do not know how many more tomorrows you have. You need to live each day as if it is your last.
Cheers!

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Elevated!

Today my old friend asked me,"What is it like to be a mother-in-law?"

Well, it's only been a day since I became mother-in-law or MIL to a new daughter-in-law. Yesterday we welcomed a new daughter into our family when our son got married.

How do I feel? I feel happy and proud that I have a sweet, lovely daughter-in-law who will be a good wife to our son. Indeed she is a most welcome addition to our family. We have waited quite a while for this happy occasion and we are very happy that he has found the right woman to be his life partner.

I'm also very happy that we have good folks as our son's in-laws. We look forward to a happy friendship in the union of our children. Now we have new friends and relatives by marriage in Singapore.

We look forward to more grandchildren in the future and this is a very happy thought indeed. So how do I feel, my dear friend? I feel wonderful and happy to be a MIL!

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Rain

Rain, the pattering drops on the window panes,run down slowly then increase in intensity as the rain storm takes hold.
Visibility is almost nil as you look out the window.

How Mother Nature mirrors the human psyche. What stirs the emotions initially turns into stormy passions of anger, a slow churning that gathers intensity and the violence of it can be frightening at times.
The storm outside parallels the storm inside you.

Have you ever walked or played in the rain when you were young? Have you ever felt the soft raindrops as they fell on your head and trickled down your face? Have you felt the painful sting of heavy rain as it fell hard and fast?

I remember wading in the shallow drains, filled with swift running water during the afternoon rain. Sometimes my siblings and I would put our paper boats into the drains and watch them float away, carried by the flowing water, oblivious of our wet clothes and wet heads.
The reckoning with mum would come later but for that moment, it was bliss, revelling in Nature's shower.

Rain brings cheer and fun to youngsters but misery to the farmers and to those who live in low-lying areas as it means flash floods and mud flowing into their homes.
Cars often get stalled in the rising waters.

Many enjoy a lie-in when it's a rainy morning. Somehow it becomes more cosy to snuggle under the blankets when it rains.

There is a different freshness in the air after the rain. Sometimes you see a beautiful rainbow, a promise of better days.
Just as after a good cry or letting off steam, one feels much better. The grass is wet but it looks fresher, somehow.
The flowers sparkle with raindrops on their petals. We wipe away our tears and soldier on.

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What Makes You Feel Good?

I think compliments make a person feel good, whether it's a guy or gal.

When an older guy is told that the shirt he's wearing makes him look younger, you can bet he'll wear that shirt more often.

To a lady, the best compliment is when she is told that she doesn't look her age.

So we mustn't be stingy with our compliments. Paying a compliment when it is appropriate to do so, will make a difference. It also feels good to make others happy, especially when they might be feeling down.

A compliment will boost their morale or spirit and make a difference to their day. The important thing to remember is to be sincere and mean it when you are complimenting someone.

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A Lifetime of Lessons

Have you ever wondered what we are here for? Why are we here?

We are the fruit of our parents' union and we go through stages of growth. That's a fact.

Looking back, it becomes clear that life is a series of lessons to learn the experiential way as we pass through the various stages.

As babies we cried to have our needs met as we had no
language to express them. Babies learn quickly to manipulate their parents, crying when their demands are not met.

Toddlers are no exception and they can make life miserable for parents with their constant tantrums and often unreasonable demands.

From age four until pre-teens, these are the exciting
years of discovery, with teachers and parents being the guides.

Then come the turbulent teens, a phase where adolescence brings with it conflicts, rebelliousness, puppy love, etc. Pushing the boundaries,so to speak and testing the patience of parents. A very vulnerable period indeed for both teens and parents as it is fraught with unknowns. A child can go bad during this phase if not properly managed.

In adulthood more experiences lie in store, good and bad. A great deal of time is spent in the pursuit of dreams and career building.
We settle down with our life partners to build a home and a family and the life cycle begins again.

I was reading a book in which a sage shared that in life we are actually preparing for death and it would be wise to pause during our frenetic materialistic pursuits to consider how we are doing spiritually. Have we touched base with our God? At the moment of death, what can we say about our contributions to the betterment of our fellow beings? As we stand beore our Maker on Judgement Day,are there any points in our favor?

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Money

"Money is the root of all evil" has been debated over and over by students throughout the decades. It has been pointed out that it is the way money is used that is the issue.

It can be used to build or destroy. The enabling power of money is the reason why almost everyone wants more and more of it. Most people work hard for it, a fair exchange for service provided. However, there are those who procure it through illegal or immoral means.


Crimes are committed as a shortcut to getting money. Extortion, abduction for ransom purpose, robbery, commercial crimes such as fraud, breach of trust, misappropriation of funds are just some examples.Massive corruption among those in office has also enriched many, much to the detriment of the citizenry.

Those who have amassed their fortune by sweat and toil sleep easy.
What about those who have been less than honest? Do you think they sleep easy and will the long arm of the Law catch up with them?

Having money makes a difference in lives. Those who suffer from life-threatening diseases can avail themselves of the best medical options. Those without the means can only hope that the period of suffering will be mercifuly short.

A bespoke lifestyle is only possible where money is plentiful. Some are born into it as the saying goes "born with a silver ( but I prefer to use 'golden') spoon in his mouth". The have-nots live from hand to mouth.

It's what you do with money that counts. If you can use it to make a difference in someone's life, you will be blessed in more ways than one.

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Many young people are too busy these days to have time for socialising except online going on Twitter or Facebook. Opportunities for human face-to-face interaction and socialising are scarce with the long working hours and long commutes from workplace to home and vice-versa.

As a result there are many singles of both sexes with hardly any opportunities to meet, let alone find a life partner. In days of old, my grandmother used to say that marriages are made in Heaven,
that at the moment of birth, two humans are already tied together with a red string so that no matter where they are, they will end up together as life partners.

These days, those who want to find life partners have several avenues through which they can help themselves. They have the option of dating online,
joining membership sites that match-make their members, or join off-line agencies that arrange meetings, parties and other fun events for singles.

From there it is up to the singles to decide whom they would like to get to know better, whether to meet if they began their friendship online. Going on dates then follows and this may or may not lead to the desired outcome. If it doesn’t then, the whole process begins again.

There are some singles who are disillusioned and are determined to remain single because they maintain that having seen their friends tie the knot only to dissolve it a year later is something they want to avoid.
They are quite happy to remain single, enjoying the occasional partying and casual friendships.

The institution of marriage is not held sacrosanct by many in these modern times. In the past, efforts would be made to salvage the relationship but these days it appears that marriage vows are easily set aside and changing partners is like changing one’s clothes. If a relationship is not to one’s expectations, then the partners want out. The issue seems to be about “self, self and more self”.

Many have opted to live together without that “piece of paper” that would legalise their relationship. The children that come along are unfortunate if their parents do not formalise their union by getting a marriage certificate for they would be considered bastards as they are born out of wedlock and the odds are stacked against them right from the start. I wonder if the adults are aware that they are short-changing their off-spring because of the perversity of the decision not to get that piece of paper.

It is all a matter of choice and the decision ultimately lies with the people involved. The convenience and advantages of being a singleton which could later translate into boredom and loneliness, have to be weighed against being a twosome and its attendant benefits and burdens in the long-term that will include a house echoing with the pitter-patter of little feet and screams for attention which could drive you up the wall.

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Your Child is First Priority

Another case of baby abuse where the little one died at the hands of his minder who had been working with his family for two years. After two years one would think that she would have a reasonably good relationship with her employers and the child whom she was entrusted to care for. Unfortunately it didn’t turn out to be so as the baby, a 15 month old boy, was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital. The autopsy revealed that he died from strangulation and there was also other evidence of his being stomped on and kicked as well. Old fractures in his legs were also evident. The maid had telephoned the father at work that his child had fallen and was unconscious, prompting him to ask his relative who lived nearby to go to his house and to send his child to the hospital.

The maid ran away and according to the newspapers, was in another house being interviewed for a job when the man realised that this was the woman whom the police were looking for, in connection with the death of a child. He called the police and she was taken into custody on a charge of murder.

Whatever the outcome of the case, nothing will bring back the child whose life was extinguished by the inhumane treatment he was subjected to.

Young children are very vulnerable, especially when they are too young to defend themselves against adult abusers and unable to communicate with their parents about their treatment at the hands of their caregivers. There have been many such cases and I suspect lots more that go unreported or remain unknown.

It is time that parents consider what their priorities are: the welfare of their young children or a double income for a better life style. There is bound to be a sacrifice. One cannot have the cake and eat it at the same time.


I know of some young working mothers who took no pay leave or even resigned from their jobs in order to look after their babies. The young couples who are lucky, have their own parents to fall back upon, old though they may be. My good friend’s son is a case in point. The two sets of grandparents would take turns to stay with the young couple to supervise the maid when the children were very young. They deemed it unwise to leave the young children in the hands of the maid while both of them were out working the whole day. My nephew brings his child and the maid to his parents’ house before he and his wife go to work.

Another alternative would be the crèche which is registered and has trained child minders to care for the children. Such a crèche should also fulfil conditions such as the number of children they can take in and the ratio of children to child minders. It should also be monitored so that standards are maintained and the children are well-looked after.

Ideally, the workplace, if the company is big enough, should have its own crèche so that the mothers can look in on their young children during their lunch break, perhaps to help out, time permitting. In this way, the company retains its staff and the mothers have peace of mind knowing that their children will not be at the tender mercy of the care-giver.

Other parents send their children to private childminders, usually housewives whose children are already big. These childminders usually look after two children, which could be a better option if you know their background and have been providing such services.

All said and done, mothers are the best people to look after their own babies and this will enable them to bond with and nurture their young, ensuring that the babies grow into healthy and confident children. They would also be spared from the guilt complex of leaving their young with unknown strangers brought into their homes to look after them while they go out to work to support a better life style. Remember a baby trusts you with his life. He should always be your first priority.

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