How goes it?

These are days of excitement depending on how you view things.

Politics is a favourite subject in coffee shops, school carpark waiting areas and emails. Umno, the main partner in the coalition of Barisan National has completed its party elections which had been postponed from last year to this year in view of the impending transition of power to the next Umno president. The newsmedia had been reporting pre and post election news. Now that all these are behind us, let us hope that things will change for the better as the outgoing PM has reiterated that there must be change for a better tomorrow. I hope this will take root and that things will really change.

Sabah is pretty laid back compared to the bustling Peninsular states. However the absence of the "rush, rush everywhere" syndrome makes life more tolerable although there has been tremendous traffic jams of late, especially during peak hours, though not to the degree which KLites experience day after day. Nonetheless, what has been affecting the world, the term I believe, is 'global meltdown', has not really hit us squarely between the eyes yet. There have been reports of thousands who have been left jobless due to factory shutdowns and downsizing of organisations. For these people, life is a big question mark. How are they going to survive and put food on the table for their families?

The government is trying to find jobs for them through various means but it will not be able to cater to everyone's needs. Other countries are much worse off. How bad is it going to get? This is anyone's guess.

For those who have retired, life will be more of the same. There is no rush, no need to fight the traffic to get to the office. I get up early to go to the golf course for my morning exercise round of nine holes, then back home for a spot of gardening before starting the preparations for dinner that evening. The weather has been so terribly hot these days that I'm seriously considering cooking lunch so that there's no need to go out. The sun's heat is blistering and there is a tinge of blackness on your cheeks, should your skin be exposed even for just a short while.

A housewife's job is never done. I find myself on my feet most of the day and it is more often than not, that I can go online only after dinner. Having a maid is a luxury, and good ones are hard to come by. From past experience, it is the maid who interviews you and not vice versa. A room, a tv, a fan, telephone facilities, a washing machine, these are pre-requisites. The size of the house and the number of people living in it, whether you work ( better that the boss works so that there is no one to monitor the work ) also matter. Refusal to do things the way you want them to be done, the rude repartees, the banging of pots and pans, these are sufficient to put you off them permanently. I'm not complaining 'cos I'm back to being my own boss in my house. I no longer hear my pots and pans being banged about and I can talk to my plants and flowers without being looked at as if I'm cuckoo. I'm happy as I am, with friends to email to, with smses coming in, and the songs on the radio to keep me company until we go to fetch our grandkids from school. So life for me is good and I'm thankful for God's blessings.

For those who are still looking for jobs, maybe it is time to try out self-employment. Work for oneself even though it is hard work and altogether a different experience from what one has been accustomed to. This is where creativity comes in. It is always prudent to start small and work from there. If you find that what you do is successful, then you can think further of expansion.

Otherwise there are other sectors which still need workers although these may not be what you want. However having a job is still better than none. A smaller wage is better than no wage at all. Money means food on the table. Plantation, construction, services such as waitressing, etc are an honest day's work. Once you have a job, things can only get better, and that's what one needs in these trying times. Or if you are good at cooking, you can start a catering business from home. You cook and you deliver. You can stick to catering for lunch at first. Or you can make local foodstuff such as nasi lemak, kuih-muih ( cakes & pastries ) and sell to friends and friends of friends, office people, neighbours. Such businesses usually take off by word of mouth and recommendations. I've also seen enterprising women and men going round to the hospitals to sell their foodstuff to those waiting to see the doctors. Waiting at hospitals can take a few hours and snacks are very welcome.

Whatever one's situation is, I believe that it is up to us to take action if we want to change it. Nothing comes with nothing done. Lending a hand to those in need is a good starting point. Cheers!

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The Cycle of Life

I would like to share some of what I've read from three books about the Other Side, i.e. where we go to after death.

From baby to child, to adolescent to adult, adult to middle-age to old age and on to the next plane when we shed our physical body.......... these stages involve learning, a continuous growh of learning.

We are entities or energy and as such we do not die. Energy does not die and learning does not end with death. Our spirits or souls continue to learn on a higher plane. There we go through a renewal stage and then we decide when we want to return to the physical world , where and for what reason.

According to Sylvia Browne, a renowned psychic, in her book "The Other Side and Back", we prepare a blueprint for our lives and we choose our circumstances to enable us to learn and overcome issues that were not resolved in our previous lives and to achieve spiritual progress.

Sometimes a soul chooses a particularly challenging lifetime in order to accelerate the spiritual progress. A hard life is an opportunity for progress.

We all have debts that must be paid. If we haven't paid those debts we must take them into another life in order that they may be worked through. Karma is an opportunity for atonement, to make up to those we have wronged or hurt in the past. It is about learning, and not about punishment. Once we have learned our lesson, there is no further need to suffer, even if the karmic debt is not fully paid as divine intervention or grace can supercede karma and ease our burden of suffering. We come to earth to learn, not to suffer.

Dr. Brian Weiss in his book "Messages from the Masters", relates Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' experience. Elisabeth's mother was a very caring person who gave everything to help others but never accepted anything for herself. She suffered a stroke that left her dependent on others for her needs and she died four years later. Elisabeth was furious with God for letting her mother suffer and one day, while she was meditating, a voice asked her why she was so angry and Elisabeth replied that He had made her mother who never asked anything of anyone but gave of herself, suffer for four years.

The voice told Elisabeth that those four years were a gift to her mother, a gift of grace. Love must be balanced. If no one were to receive love, who could give it

and her mother learned this lesson in four years instead of having to come back for one or several lifetimes, impaired physically or mentally where she would have to accept the love of others. Because she had learned, she could move on.

Elisabeth understood the message and let go of her anger and her pain at her mother's experience.

We choose what we need to learn and if we need to come back to work through a relationship, we come back. If we are finished with that, we go on. We continue our learning in the spiritual state.

In the book "Reincarnation" it describes how Dr. Edward Cayce helps his patients to regress into their past lives so that they can have a better understanding of their problems in their current lives and the advice he gives them on how to resolve the issues confronting them.

Come to think of it, this recycling that we go through so to speak, is logical. It would explain why we sometimes have a sense of "deja vu" when we are at a place although it is the first time we are there. We could have been there in a previous life! However, I'm not quite sold on the idea that we prepared our own blueprint right down to the last detail, even the manner of our death. Death comes in many ways and I find it hard to accept that one would plan for a horrific death.

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Flowers

Is there anyone who doesn't like or love flowers?

Or love the different shades of green foliage,

how they make a house look cool and inviting?

The sight of flowers whether in a garden or in a florist's is enough to lighten a heavy heart, so pretty are they to behold. Their colours are amazing. Only the Almighty could have fashioned them in such an amazing variety. There are flowers for all climes.

We in Malaysia have flowers that differ from those found in temperate countries.

No flower is ugly. There are only flowers with differing degrees of fragrance, except for the Rafflesia which is said to have a putrid odour. I've not seen one so I wouldn't know but I can believe those who have seen it and found it so.

Girls are often compared to flowers. Young girls are compared to buds that will come to full bloom in time. Love is also symbolised by the red rose. Other flowers also have meanings attached to them. Chrysanthemums, I believe, in some cultures, are associated with death. Carnations are given on Mother's Day, red roses on Valentine's Day. Jasmines are significant to the Indian community.

Roses and Jasmines have strong fragrance. The fragrance of roses differ according to their species. There are also roses that have hardly any fragrance. The pink rose in my garden has a very sweet fragrance, different from that of the red rose. I noticed that there are many more bees that buzz around the pink roses than the red ones.

I guess this is equally true of people. Some girls have more admirers than others. Whether it is the personality that is attractive or whether it is the overall physical beauty that draws people to them is only known to those that cluster around these girls. However there is the saying that "Beauty is but skin deep".

It is the inner beauty of a person that is more important and this becomes more apparent with age. As the outer beauty fades, the inner beauty surfaces. The eyes of a person are the windows of the soul. This is a general guide if one wants to assess the type of person standing before you. Shifty-eyed people will never look one in the face and this could mean that they have something to hide. However there are those who can tell a lie without batting an eyelid and there are also those who have eyes that reveal nothing. In such cases it would be extremely difficult to know what they are really like. Then again, it has been proven that "Familiarity breeds contempt" and this most regrettably is true when relationships, over a period of time, are taken for granted.

Just as a plant has to be nurtured into maturity and coaxed to flower, youngsters too require nurture and love in order for their personalities to develop and bloom. Their latent potential must be brought out. Just as every flower has its own beauty, a person, male or female, has his/her own beauty. We should never pre-judge anyone as it is said," Never judge a book by its cover" and "All that glitters is not gold".

Accept the person as he/she is and look for the good in them. Not all roses bloom beautifully. Some are deformed while still buds because of some pest attack but the fragrance is still there. Just as there are many types of plants and flowers, there are also different types of people and personalities. Enjoy the flowers, appreciate their beauty, take time to smell the roses and watch out for caterpillars that can destroy a beautiful green plant. My big pot of beautiful money plant was eaten bald completely within a short time. Thank goodness new leaves have sprouted again but it will be a while before it can grow to what it used to be.

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Gone on

Just now my cousin informed me through Facebook that our aunt passed on early this morning. She was ninety years old, a ripe old age. I remember her from about 10 years ago when I met her at my uncle's house during the Chinese New Year. She was a great cook and her dishes were a gourmet's delight. I remember her being rather adventurous too. She told me that I should go to Pulau Ketam and try out the food there.

I've never been there although I've heard about it since my childhood as there were relatives living there. Maybe I should try to make a trip there one of these days when I'm down in KL.
My brothers will be paying their respects to our late aunt later this evening. She resides in KL but I live in Kota Kinabalu so I won't be able to join them.

It is a custom that night visits are paid to the home of the deceased, where one's presence and a donation of "white gold" is duly registered. ( This white gold is to help the bereaved family to defray funeral expenses. ) If the deceased is a Buddhist, the visitor pays his respects by lighting 3 joss sticks before approaching the coffin.

Then he offers his condolences to the bereaved family after which he sits among the other guests and they talk about the deceased or other subjects. At this time there would be on display the wreaths and floral tributes sent by friends and relatives. From time to time there would be chanting of prayers by priests.

Usually 3 days would elapse between the time of death and the funeral. This is also a custom that is observed. Nowadays dying is big business too. There are companies that arrange and organise everything, from preparing the body for burial, setting up tents for guests and refreshments, to the burial plot and providing transportation for those who would accompany the deceased on her last journey. This takes the onus off the bereaved family so that they can grieve without having to worry about the nitty gritty. All this comes at a price of course. There are different packages to suit various budgets.

Those who attended the funeral would then be given a small white towel and a red packet containing a small sum of money, usually coins. This money has to be spent and not kept. It is customary to buy sweets using that money.

I remember my late grandmother's funeral which was a very costly affair. It cost us our home.
I was in primary school and I remembered she had a huge lump growing at her throat. A doctor came to attend to her and gave her an injection. Later that day, she died. She was bathed and dressed in seven layers of special garments before she was put into her coffin.

In those days, the coffin was a huge solid one made from a tree trunk and I used to be frightened out of my daylights whenever I saw one. My grandmother's coffin was placed outside the house and the mourners had to cry and shriek throughout the night. The priests, male and female, chanted prayers throughout the night walking round and round the coffin. We youngsters were told to make sure that no cats were closeby. It was believed that if a cat jumped over the deceased, the body would get up!! Believe me I was frightened out of my wits.

The funeral was a very elaborate one as my grandfather had high standing in the Chinese community. He was Capitan China. I remember there were stilt walkers, 2 brass bands, a long line of trishaws bearing long pieces of cloth with Chinese words stuck on them, plus lorries carrying more of the same. My parents and immediate siblings were dressed in sack cloth and black while we grandchildren were dressed in blue. All mourners were provided with mourning clothes, towels and shoes. Buses carried relatives and friends and my grandmother's funeral procession made its way through the streets in Klang town amid great fanfare before proceeding to the hill cemetery where she would be buried.

I remember that after the funeral, all the relatives were in the main hall of my grandfather's house and all the pieces of cloth were folded and piled up on the large long table. Every relative was given pieces of these cloths. When the final tally for the funeral expenses was added up, my father found that he had no choice but to sell our home in order to pay for what had been incurred for my grandmother's grand sending off.

Our home was shared by us, and my father's brother & wife, and grandma. When the double-storey shoplot along the main street was sold, we moved to stay with my maternal grandmother while my uncle moved to the countryside to stay in his smallholding where grandfather had grown rubber trees & coconut trees.

Grandfather had miles of rubber and coconut estates along the road to Morib, but then he also had five wives and many, many children for in those days, a man's standing in society was judged by the number of wives and children he had, not just the property he owned. The funeral had to be a grand affair as it was expected and there was "face" to be considered. So my grandmother had a funeral befitting a Capitan China's wife. "Face" there certainly was but we had to give up our home.

Fortunately, funerals aren't so elaborate these days. Being practical is more important. My late father was cremated according to his wishes and remains were scattered in the sea barring a small container of ashes which now repose in a niche in a temple where prayers are said for him come festival days. He was a practical man. Bless him and may he rest in peace. And my aunt too. I feel regretful that I won't be in KL this evening as we only get to meet long-lost relatives during funerals.

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Tribute to my mother

My mother was a primary school teacher who taught in mission schools, the Anglo Chinese School in Klang and the Methodist Boys' Primary School in Kuala Lumpur.

I used to see her prepare many visual aids at home and I remember the piles of exercise books which she had to mark everyday. My father used to ask her why she had so much work to do outside of school. When we were bigger, we used to help her out in preparing the teaching aids, which had a lot of colorful drawings.

These days, teachers are very fortunate. They have ready-made charts to help them in their teaching. Rarely do you see teachers making their own visual aids. With the technology available these days, it is even easier to source for materials to use if the teacher is so inclined.

There has been much discussion in the newspapers about the teaching of Maths and Science using the English Language to do so. Opinions are divided. Some people want the two subjects to be taught in English while others want the mother tongue to be used. Among the reasons given is the lack of English proficiency among the teachers who have to teach these two subjects in English. Teachers slated to teach these two subjects have been sent for English proficiency courses but they are still found lacking.

The saying goes something like this: " English cannot be taught, it has to be caught."

In this context, I would like to share my experience. My siblings and I were very lucky to have our mother who insisted on speaking to us in English only so we grew up with English as our first language. We were under colonial rule then and it was a must to know English. Schools used English as the medium of instruction except for the vernacular schools which used the mother tongue.

Not only did we speak in English, but it also had to be proper English; no pidgin English was permitted. Then there were the weekly trips to the library to borrow books to read. After reading we had to summarise what we had read and what we thought of the stories. We also had a special exercise book to write down the new words and their meanings which we then had to use when we wrote compositions for our mother. She also encouraged us to write down the sentences that we found interesting and to be conscious of the style of writing.

During the weekends, our father would drive us to the beach at Morib or venture further where we could see padi (rice) fields or tin mines. At the end of each trip we had to write down what we saw, how we felt, what we did in the form of a simple composition.

This was how our mother trained us to use the language and to use it well. We did not learn any grammatical rules per se but if we made an error, she would correct us on the spot. She placed great emphasis on reading. This was how we caught the language, through reading, as by reading we got to internalise the structures and accumulated a wealth of vocabulary. Although she was very busy with her school work, she never failed to see that we did our homework plus the extra work that she set us. This was her greatest legacy to us, a good command of the English Language. In those days there was no television to distract us. There was only a small radio which was turned on only when our father got home in the evenings.

Sometimes my friends would ask me, " How do you know this is wrong? Why is it wrong?" when they made a grammatical error. I could only answer," I don't know. I only know it is wrong." Because I had internalised the structures of the language, somehow I automatically knew which was right and which was wrong.

It was only in secondary school that our teachers made us work through text books which had the grammar rules written out that I realised the language had rules and exceptions.

I can empathise with the teachers who go for week-long courses and are then expected to teach in the language. No way can they master a language within a week or even a couple of months.

However, I would like to share this with you. There was a Chinese national whom I met and I was impressed by his use of the English language. So I asked him how he managed to communicate so well when his compatriots fared badly. He said he came to Malaysia to work and he wanted to improve in using English so he would listen to the English news, read English newspapers, watch English tv programmes and speak with people in English. By regularly doing this, he improved in the language within a few months.

Thus I hope that our teachers will not be discouraged by their low English proficiency but take steps to improve by emulating this Chinese national. Do not be afraid or shy. Just use the language. By listening to others speak, you will improve as you realise your mistakes. Take steps to further your knowledge by getting a simple grammar book which can help you understand the sentence structures and how they are used

Because there is a need for teachers who look to improve their grasp of the English language, and who find the grammar books on the market difficult to understand, I have authored a guide to English grammar. The first one, inspired by my late mother, is "English Grammar, a Malaysian Student Guide" published by Sasbadi Sdn Bhd. It is a handbook for easy reference, with lots of examples which can be used by both students and teachers.

I was later asked to write a series of English grammar books with exercises for students and these are the "Casey & Penny's Guide to English", published by Pelangi. There are four books in this series, also very easy to use.

I was nudged into the teaching profession by my mother as she said that teaching is the best profession for a girl. So I followed in her footsteps and became an English teacher trained in the UK and later on headed a co-ed high school in Kota Kinabalu. Teaching had its moments of hilarity and frustrations but it is certainly a very rewarding profession when you see your students graduate and doing very well in life and they still remember you were their teacher.

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Coincidence?

Alamak! Where is it? My hand had been touching my sticky neck. It was late afternoon and it had been a very hot day. I was reading the newspapers then. Suddenly I realised that my treasured jade & diamond pendant on its white gold chain was no longer round my neck .

Perhaps it had dropped off when I dashed into the garden to bring in the mop when the big raindrops fell.

I rushed into the falling rain to look for my precious pendant but no..... it wasn't there. "Perhaps it fell off in your car," offered my daughter. I rushed out to my car, looked under the seats and even in the boot as I had put my bag of fruits there after my early Sunday morning marketing. No.... it wasn't there. " Could it have fallen off in church this morning?" was another suggestion.

I sent an sms to my church pastor asking him if anyone had found my pendant. He promised to get in touch with me if he had any information.

What if it had dropped off while I was doing my marketing this morning?

Then a memory surfaced. Ten years ago, when I attended prayers at a temple for my father on his death anniversary, I had also mysteriously lost a treasured gold bangle. This was a unique bangle not only in its design but also in its composition. There were 3 types of gold, yellow gold, white gold and rose gold in that bangle. It was my favourite piece of jewellery. I was wearing it when I went for the prayers but after the prayers, it was no longer on me, despite the safety clasp. My sisters and I searched the temple grounds but to no avail.

Today is my mother's death anniversary. My beautiful jade pendant is missing. This pendant is very special to me because my mother had selected the jade and she designed the diamond setting for it. The chain is a white gold chain of Italian design. I had this pendant for more than 40 years and now it is gone. I mourn its loss for it is irreplaceable. It is a precious link to my mum as we had gone to the goldsmith's together, an outing that we both enjoyed whenever I went home from the Land below the Wind.

Perhaps it has gone to join the gold bangle. It is a very strange coincidence that two pieces of my favoured jewellery disappeared on the death anniversaries of my parents.

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Golden or Grey?

Aging is what we all go through. The moment we leave the womb we begin to age...... one year, two years........until a ripe old age.

However not everyone makes it to a ripe old age as some would have fallen off the merry-go-round of life, whirled off in accidents, disease, murdered or committed suicide. Those who do either enjoy a golden period, basking in contented retirement amidst loving family members or living out the dreary days in isolation in an old folks' home or in the worst scenario, eking out a pathetic existence homeless and shunned.

Senior citizens are increasing in numbers by the day as we have in general a better health service, better food and food supplements and there is a greater trend towards taking good care of one's health. Many people, young and old, make good use of public parks to exercise, walking or jogging, participating in group exercises like qi gong and tai chi. The more affluent go to gyms for workouts or are country club members where they can swim, golf or play tennis or squash.

However the pace of life has quickened such that the demands of work have made it more difficult for families to care for their sickly elders. Those who can afford it, have a live-in maid who can see to the needs of their elderly parents if they are all staying together. Those who do not have a maid, are often hard pressed to find a solution. What do they do with a parent who needs care?

Some place their parents in old folks' homes and visit them regularly. Some just send them there and forget about them. Now have you ever wondered how it may turn out for you? Friends have said that we must cherish our children and bond with them because they will determine our future when we are old. They will decide whether to keep us with them or send us to an old folks' home.

Some of my friends say that they would not want to live with their children as they value their independence. One of them said that she would prefer to live by herself in an apartment so that she has her own space and be free to go in and out and do whatever she pleases. Were she to live with her child and her family, she would have to adhere by their routine, going out with them only when they go out, limited to her room and the constraints of living with the in-law and children. For all she knows, she could end up being the convenient nanny or family drudge should the maid leave.

Another said that she would not want to burden her children with her upkeep or have them worry about her when they are away at work so an old folks' home would be good as she would have other old folks for company.

The former situation where one lives in one's own apartment necessitates a steady source of income that enables one to do as one pleases while the option of an old folks' home also means that one's monthly expenses have to be borne somehow. Thus it is a must that all of us have a nestegg to sustain ourselves come the time when we are no longer working.

Whatever it will be, the lucky ones will live out a happy life among loving family members, cherished to the end, included in their activities. The unlucky ones will find themselves abandoned and forgotten, whether in their own apartments or in an old folks' home or worse still, destitute. I would like to share my poem with you.

Cobwebs in the Mirror

Silky strands criss-cross in lacey patterns,

Glistening in the light beam.

Dust dots bounce in and out,

Some get stuck on sticky silk,

Others float and tease.

A smile lights up the vacant eyes

As a pattern yields its secret;

Then tears well and slide down

Sunken cheeks, seep into lips once luscious.

The light goes out, the eyes blank again.

You sit oblivious of all around you,

Enmeshed in the cobwebs of your mind.

Tended by strangers, abandoned by kith and kin,

Days meld into nights, nights shrug into days,

Plonked into solitary vigil by the window

You had a life once, its vitality now mummified,

Except for sudden smiles savouring sweet secrets,

Washed by tears that still sear the soul;

You are a mystery, inspiring fear and sorrow

A mirror of what can be.

This could be anyone. I hope it won't be me.

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