A Change for the Better or Worse?

The world is changing, not just physically in terms of environment and climate but also in mindset and attitudes. Being Asian and a Malaysian, I see the many changes that have come about, many of which are responsible for the social problems facing us today.

There is definitely a generation gap but it depends on which generation we are talking about. My parents’ generation which would be the mid nineteen fifties, would be aghast at the amorality of the majority of the current youth, i.e. the late teens to late twenties. They would have been horrified at the attitude of the now notorious duo who published their sexual acts on the internet, baring all and leaving nothing to the imagination. Had any of their children done this, they would have been disowned publicly for bringing shame and humiliation to their parents. How would they be able to look at friends and relatives in the face if their children had shamed them like this?

Some parents of my generation would still feel this shame and humiliation but will not go to the extent of publicly disowning our offspring. Keeping a stiff upper lip and maintaining the dignity of silence could be one reaction.

However it is interesting to note that many of the duo’s peers have come out to support their infamous deed and are of the opinion that such postings are nothing to fuss over and have accepted it with equanimity. The authorities aren’t leaving it at that. The university at which the young man is enrolled is considering measures for his breaching the code of conduct and his scholarship is in danger of being revoked. The Malaysian authorities are looking into whether the couple have broken the law by posting what is considered obscene material online.

The girl’s widowed mother is demanding that the duo marry but the boy’s family supports his view that marriage is not on the cards for now. He, despite his earlier bravado that he is unaffected by what people think of his actions, is, in my opinion, now capitulating to public outrage and has said that he will apologise to the university to keep his scholarship and to avoid expulsion. He is a final year student reading Law under a prestigious scholarship. At the moment he is on leave from the university and his scholarship funds have been suspended. To a certain extent he is being “forced” to conform by his intended action as he feels that he will receive a harsher punishment if he continues to show that he is unrepentant.

A good many people feel that this couple should have kept their sexual acts private and not for public viewing. So far it seems that many young women today think nothing of sending their naked photos to their boyfriends through their smart phones, whether out of narcissism or encouragement by their partners. Some however have regretted it when their erstwhile boyfriends chose to upload them onto the net either upon a falling out or for blackmail purposes. The newspapers have published a number of such cases.

Some parents have a different take on this. An indignant father said that he would castrate the young man. There are also parents who have been very liberal with their offspring, leaving them without “moral” anchors. It could be just a phase which the young will grow out of. Some have said that the young should be taught “no sex until after marriage”. Is this really possible given the current moral climate of permissiveness?

There is also the “do it but don’t get caught”, meaning don’t get pregnant. However, the young are still ignorant of how to avoid pregnancies and when the unwanted babies come, they are simply dumped or killed as a solution by the young mother who is often left in the lurch by the father of the baby.

Parenting is a great challenge today. It is no wonder that many married couples prefer to remain childless. Would you bring a child into the world as it is today?

Tweet

Does Stress Change One’s Personality?

A remark made by someone yesterday led me to ponder over his statement. He said that living and working in a big city had changed his son. His son had become impatient and grumpy. To his parents’ disappointment he had no intention of settling down and raising a family, citing that he had no time to do so.

Why is it that “settling down” is perceived in Asian society at least, as getting married and raising a family? Why can it not simply be perceived as holding a stable job, having a roof over one’s head and being able to fend for oneself without drowning in debt or hocking oneself to the limit?

Perhaps it is this perception that one ought to settle down and raise a family that is adding to the stress in one’s life.

Working in a big city can be stressful as there are lengthy commutes in usually heavy traffic that can take up quite a lot of time. I’ve heard of people leaving home before 6:00 in the morning just to be able to get to their work places on time. This works both ways. In the evening one faces the same situation and if it rains, traffic jams can be so bad that you spend an extra hour on the road before you get home.

Work place pressures and the need to get ahead in the rat race contribute more pressure. So is it any wonder that a person becomes impatient and grumpy? Especially when one is constantly being asked about when one is going to settle down?

I think it is harder on the man than on a woman although these days many women prefer to remain single, whether to pursue their career dreams or simply having the freedom to decide on what one wishes to do, whether to eat in or out, to travel or spend one’s leave at home, etc. There won’t be another person who may not like what you want to do or children to tie you down.

A married man would have the onus of getting a house for his family, saving for his children’s education and a lot of other commitments. It is a fact that in private schools, at the elementary level, a parent has to fork out about RM20 thousand per year per child. One naturally wants one’s child to have the best in education so one has to be prepared to pay. Oh, the stress of all these is enough to turn one’s hair grey and even change one’s personality.

Indeed stress can change a normally placid person into a raging beast as evidenced in “road rage”, child abuse where the harassed parent turns on his/her own child to vent his/her frustration.

Tweet

An Act of Kindness, A Good Word

Many people's lives have been changed by an act of kindness or a good word. Sometimes,this happens when one least expects it. Perhaps somewhere, someone is praying for you and in your hour of need, the answer comes.

I would like to share this poem with you so that you can ponder and who knows, it might just lead you to do something about it.

                           Reflection
           You never know when someone
           May catch a dream from you.
           You never know when a little word
           Or something you may do
           May open up the windows
           Of a mind that seeks the light –
           The way you live may not matter at all,
           But then again it might.
           And just in case it might,
           And just in case it could be
           That another’s life, through you,
           Might possibly change for the better
           With a broader and brighter view,
           It seems it might be worth a try
           At pointing the way to the right –
          Of course it may not matter at all,
           But then again – it might.
 
(Author unknown)

Through a kind word or an act of kindness, you may be lighting someone's way forward.

Tweet

Statutory Rape and the Sentence

Much has been said in the local media about the two young adults who got away with statutory rape. I would like to chip in with my two cents’ worth.

The first young man was 19 when he committed the offence with a 13 year old girl. The second was 21 and he was convicted of raping a 12 year old. As both girls were under-aged, even if it was consensual sex, it is deemed statutory rape.

The court bound them over for good behavior for a period of five years. Many have come out to say that this is just a slap on the wrist of both perpetrators. Public opinion has criticized the court’s decision.

There has also been reports that VIS ( victim impact statement ) should have been used for rape cases so that the victim can tell the judge of her trauma and feelings before sentencing takes place.

I think this is good but then in the case of such young children ( I consider 12 and 13 year old girls as children because they are not yet mature in their thinking ) they may be shy to speak about their experience. If it had not been consensual sex, it could be worse as it would mean the victim reliving her horrific experience all over again.

If you were the family of the victims, what would your reaction be when the rapists get away with their crime? For indeed it is a crime to do what they have done. Being nineteen and twenty one years of age, they would surely know that what they did is wrong. Robbing these young girls who are barely out of their childhood, of their innocence is heinous. Allowing them to get away with it sets a dangerous precedent.

Then again, how do parents allow their young children to go out with people who are so much older than them? 21 years old with a 12 year old girl, 19 year old boy with a 13 year old girl. Surely they should be having friends that are of their own age? Little girls are vulnerable and may not know how to assert themselves in the face of the young men who may have sweet-talked them into doing things that they shouldn’t be doing at their age. The 12 year old girl indeed did ask the 21 year old to take her to school but instead he took her to his place and raped her. What defense could she have put up? He could have put the fear of whatever into her. Physically she’s definitely no match for him.

It comes down to this. I think parents should be more concerned and aware of their young daughters’ friendships with the opposite sex and their activities. Where do they go and with whom? It is important to know your children’s friends. Even more important is to make sure your children know that sexual activities are out of bounds and that they know how to say no to any person who is seeking to take advantage of them, and what they should do in case they find themselves in a perilous situation.

Parents are the best teachers that a child can have so it is your responsibility to educate your child in the ways of the world. Unfortunately too many parents are abdicating their roles these days for reasons best known to themselves.

Tweet