Woman, thy name is Vanity

Deep down in our hearts, every woman is vain, to a certain extent. Anyone who says she isn't, is a rare specimen indeed.

From young, one can see a little girl wanting to dress like mummy, clomping in mummy's high heels and even using mummy's lipstick. Sound familiar? We've all been through this stage and we've seen it in our children and grandchildren. This is a trait inherent in us women.

I remember when I was in lower secondary school, I discovered that I was short-sighted and had to wear spectacles. I hated the unfamiliar frames resting heavily on the bridge of my nose and its arms curling behind my ears. To make things worse, my father said that I looked like Micky Mouse!

I never forgot his comment and it really mortified me. Whenever I could, I would take off my glasses and walk around with the world in a blur. I preferred that to looking like Micky Mouse.

When I went overseas for my teacher-training, I took the opportunity to don contact lenses. In those days the contacts were hard lenses that covered the whole eye and it took quite a while for my eyes to get acclimatised to wearing them. But my vanity was appeased. I no longer looked like Micky Mouse. I looked pretty.

I used contact lenses for more than 40 years, relishing the comfort of soft lenses when they became available. No one was the wiser when they looked at me. To everyone I had good eyesight. I didn't need glasses. I could even read without reading glasses.

Unfortunately my eye problems later necessitated the use of hard lenses because of the eyedrops I have to use. Now I can't even use contact lenses anymore and alas! I'm back to looking like Micky Mouse!! Ugh!

Why? What happened? Well, I'm a glaucoma patient and have been since my teen years. I know it is a disease that older people contract but I got it when I was seventeen and praise the Lord, it was discovered when I was a college student in the UK.

I had been getting very severe headaches and the college nurse came to get me to see the visiting doctor. I was walking behind her when suddenly I couldnt see where I was going. She turned round to find me among the rose bushes and quickly got me to the sick bay where the doctor immediately had the college van rush me to the eye hospital in Wolverhampton. It was a medical emergency and I was very afraid because I could hardly see anything, even when someone right before me asked me how many fingers I could see.

Glaucoma was diagnosed and I was hospitalised. Treatment was in the form of eyedrops and onion soup. I was in and out of hospital for three months because of the headaches.

I have closed angle glaucoma where the eye pressure increases suddenly and there is severe pain (headaches), nausea and blurred vision. If left untreated, blindness results within one to two days.

What is glaucoma? It is often known as the thief of sight because there are no symptoms. The eye has two chambers and the fluid in the anterior chamber is usually drained as quickly as it forms. When the fluid is not drained, the pressure builds up in the eye. The increase in pressure causes damage to the eye and the optic nerve and leads to blindness if not treated.

In glaucoma patients, eyedrops are prescribed to lower the pressure but sometimes they do not bring the pressure down to an acceptable level and surgery has to be done. There is laser surgery where the laser burns holes so that the fluid can drain easily and there is also the non-laser surgery where a hole is made so that the fluid can drain from the eye.

I've had both types of surgery. The laser burned three holes in my left eye while my right eye now has two holes made(I've had 2 operations) to drain the fluid. Because of these surgical procedures, I'm not allowed to use contact lenses anymore for fear of bacteria entering the eye through these holes.

So I've no choice but to look like Micky Mouse again. Ugh! Such a blow to my vanity as I swear wearing glasses adds years to me. I've always looked younger than my age and now my eyes have to peer from behind glasses. Sigh... BUT, there's something that cannot be taken away and that is my DIMPLE, which everyone remembers. They can forget how I look like but they never forget my dimple! Hee..hee... hee!

So therein is the salvaging feature. My dimple! According to the Chinese, having a dimple indicates that one is a good imbiber of liquor. One can drink and drink! I remember my father used to give me cherry brandy when I was young and I enjoyed it very much. I could drink and not get dizzy. However it wasn't the case later because I suddenly developed an allergy to liquor!! I couldn't even have a glass of wine without breaking into rashes.

So here's to women, to my fellow sisters, enjoy your looks, smile and SMILE, for a smile is like a magnet. It brings you friends and happy company.

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Are there favorites in a family?

From the point of view of a mom, I think this is highly unlikely. Unlikely, mind you, meaning that possibly, some parents do favor a child over the others.

Speaking for myself, I love all my three children equally; I love them very much. They were given the same opportunities and they have made the best of what they have been given, praise the Lord.

In some families the youngest has always been the favored and pampered one, spoiled by parents and the older siblings, especially if there is a big gap between the youngest and the one before. In some very traditional Asian families, the boys are still favored over the girls.

To the Chinese, the boy carries the family name, so they are preferred. Girls marry out of the families and belong to the family they marry into. It was because of this that in the past, families did not see there was any necessity of sending girls to schools. There are still many women in Asian societies who have not been schooled and they are at a disadvantage. They have no marketable skills should anything happen to their husbands.

These days, people are enlightened enough not to discriminate between boys and girls and they are given equal opportuniies, thanks to the policy of free school education. Some parents have even taken another step forward, i.e. to keep the cord blood of the newborn so that it can be used in the future should the need arise in a medical situation.

I just completed reading a book by Jodi Piccoult entitled "My Sister's Keeper" where a baby was conceived so that she would be a perfect match for her older sister who had been diagnosed with a form of terminal cancer.

Here we have a child not conceived out of love per se but as a donor to keep her sister alive. It is a very interesting and compelling read as issues were raised, such as the child's right to her body. Her mother was making all the decisions to have her donate blood, bone marrow, etc from the time she was born ( her cord blood was used to save her sister )until she became a teenager and she decided that enough was enough. She took out a law suit against her parents for "medical emancipation" as she felt she was entitled to make the decision whether or not she wants to continue to donate her tissues, blood, etc to her sister and not on her mother's say so.

This is a story but in real life I believe there are cases where out of desperation, a child has been conceived to help another sibling as siblings are deemed to be better matches than strangers.

Is this morally acceptable? Is it ethical for the doctors to put a healthy child at risk ( in certain procedures )in order to save another? Does this show that the parents love this second child less and perceives her just as a donor to be used? Will this child grow up to see herself as serving only the single purpose of being her sibling's life buoy? Do parents have the right to use a child in this way?

In other situations where there is a severely handicapped child, parents often focus on this child to the exclusion of the others. Sacrifices are made to ensure the well-being of the handicapped child, sometimes at the expense of the other children. Would this be considered favoritism?

On the other hand, a handicapped child is sometimes hidden away as he could be an embarassment to the family and side-lined. Or a gifted sibling may be given all the attention and opportunities to further excel while his not-so-smart brother may be left to his own devices. Could he feel unwanted and useless because he is not as smart as his brother?

Perhaps we as parents should stop and take stock from time to time. Are we doing the right thing for each child and in his best interests? It would take some soul searching.

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Don't Animals Have Rights Too?

This afternoon I had lunch with my very dear friend whom I have not seen for at least a couple of months as we were both busy, she with her work and I with a host of things that retirees normally find themselves doing.

She briefed me about the difficult time she and her friends at the SPCA were having in trying to get a piece of land so that they could build an animal shelter for stray and abused animals.

Somehow, animals are not well-treated in our country. There are many strays scavenging for morsels of whatever is edible in rubbish dumps. Why do we have so many strays?

Some have been wilfully abandoned by their heartless owners when they move into apartments, while others were irreponsible and didn't spay their animals when the litters increased. What most of these people do is to dump the animals far away enough so that they would not be able to find their way back.

My friend has been busy looking for homes for the strays and feeding them as she could not bear to see them go hungry. I could not help by taking in any because I'm often away. Some animals had been tied up for days and left out in the merciless sun while a mother cat and her kittens were thrown away at the rubbish dump.

Surely animals have the right to live, to be fed and housed. They have the right to be treated humanely especially if they have been reared. I find it very distressing to hear my friend telling me of the way strays are caught and caged and then put down, not by humane means such as being put to sleep by vets, but by being bashed to death, or poisoned. My brother's dogs were poisoned too, along with the strays that he had been feeding everyday.

Such a disregard for God's creatures only reflects on humans, especially those who have abandoned their dogs, and those who abuse their pets.

Do you believe in karma? Well, these inhuman people will one day get their come-uppance. Maybe they will be reincarnated as dogs or cats and share the same fate that they have doled out to their animals.

Happy are the animals that have loving owners and good homes where they are cherished and well-looked after. Sometimes these animal lovers go overboard. I have been told of rich people who house their dogs in air-conditioned comfort. Their kennels are air-conditioned!


A little bit of the milk of human kindness will go a long way. Children should be taught from young to value all forms of life and to treat their pets well. The old can also derive companionship from animals. In fact the company of animals has been found to be therapeutic for those who are ill and lonely.

Dogs are said to be man's best friend but unfortunately, many have ended up at the table, especially in Asia, where dog meat is a delicacy as it is believed to be "warm" and thus good for health.


I sincerely hope that my friend will find someone kind enough to donate a piece of land so that an animal shelter can be built for these poor abused and abandoned creatures. Any form of help is most welcome.

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Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas and I'd like to share a few things which woke me up during church service this morning. I don't mean that I sleep through church service, but I'm guilty of nodding off at times when the pastor gets too academic.

The message of Christmas was interesting. He asked what Christmas is and he played a song. His message was simple. He said that Christmas is Christ who was born to save our souls and He died for us and was resurrected in full glory. So Christmas is redemption. Pastor included in the program a letter and wish list he believed that Jesus might have written about Christmas.

This is what I would like to share here as the wish list is very pertinent today and would make a good change from the endless rounds of partying and feasting to commemorate Christmas. I'm sure Christ would be appalled at the way we pig out at the buffet spreads whether in the hotels or in friends' homes without a thought for those who have nothing.

I'm being selective about the items in the wish list and I'm quoting the pastor here:

1. Do you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this
season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that
person is, try giving everyone you meet, a warm smile; it could make the
difference.

2. There are inidividuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no
Christmas tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If
you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to a charity
which believes in Me( Christ ) and they will make the delivery for you.

3. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

4. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally.They
just need to know that someone cares about them.

5. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't
need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth ( Christ's ) and why
I came to live with you down there. Hold them in your arms and remind them that
I love them.

6. If you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then
behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My
presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine. (Christ's)
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I
have told you to do. I'll take care of the rest.

I believe that Christmas is a time of caring, giving and sharing, giving of our time and gifts. They don't have to be big expensive gifts. As in the wish list above, it could be help rendered in many ways, the gift of yourself when you share your time with the needy and less fortunate. It could be a service that you could offer, like helping out at children's homes or homes for the handicapped that are always in need of volunteers. If you are wealthy, you could give donations to the Homes or you could also give the orphans a treat or sponsor children's developmental needs. How much more meaningful these acts are when compared to just paying lip service at Christmas time such as giving bigger offerings and shaking hands and singing songs.

However, all these don't have to be done only during the Christmas season (the ten days of Christmas). In fact every day can be Christmas when it comes to caring and sharing. It is also a time for counting our blessings and thanking the Almighty for a new day every morning.

Merry Christmas, peace and goodwill among men. Have a joyous day and connect.

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Of the Past and Present

I remember discussing relationships with my students a long time ago during one of our English Literature lessons. With the advent of computers, emails and texting on mobile phones, I wonder if relationships today can match with those of past years.

Take friendship for example. Those forged in schools either survive into our adulthood or die a natural death over time. Friendships need to be nurtured so that they mature into a different level, where you can count on a friend when you are in need. Such close true friends, as Laertes in "Hamlet" said, " grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel..".

Family relationships are different as these are ties of blood. Nevertheless, there are different shades of closeness among family members, especially if one is from a big family.

I remember my mother, with ten children, each a year apart, would task each of us to look after a younger sibling.
I also remember that during the school holidays, we were sent to our grandparents. My brother and I were packed off to the countryside to stay with our paternal grandmother while four other siblings were sent to our maternal grandmother. One remained with her. At that time there were only weven of us. So naturally,the four would be closer to each other than to my brother and I, who are very close.

Life in the countryside with my grandmother was very different. During the day, my brother and I had to be outside the house to frighten away the hawks that threatened to swoop down on the chickens and ducks that she reared. We would jump and shout when we saw a hawk. We also had to go chilli-picking in the small-holding where she lived. She had coconut trees, some coffee plants, banana trees, mangosteen and rambutan trees, chilli plants and she also reared pigs.

We had to help our uncle clean out the pigsty in the morning and then help him to chop up the banana stems, mix it with something and then feed the swill to the pigs.
We also had to mash up the dried coconut residue (they came in round flat slabs) and mix it with water to feed the ducks. It was fun collecting the eggs after hearing the hens cackle. My uncle also taught us how to look at the eggs by candlelight to check whether they could hatch into chicks.

Our drinking water had to be ferried in jerry cans from a relative's house a few miles away.My uncle used to carry two jerry cans on the back of his bicycle and sometimes I got a ride with him sitting on the bicycle bar in front of him. This rich relative had a big brick bungalow with piped water and electricity. We got our drinking water from his taps. A well provided for the rest of our needs.

Nights were not pleasant as there was no electricity and we had to use the hurricane lamp. We slept on raised wooden platforms built on the mud floor. We had to barricade ourselves in because it was the Emergency period when there were communists and we could not have any lights on after dinner so as not to attract any unwelcome attention. I could hear gunshots occasionally and it used to frighten me. I would never dare to go to the toilet which was an outhouse quite far away behind the house and it was just a hole in the ground. Each time it was full, my uncle would dig another hole and move the outhouse. We used the chamber pots at night.

Later we moved in to stay with our maternal grandmother because we had to sell our house to pay for the funeral expenses for our paternal grandmother. From then on, all of us became closer and to this day all of us are very close to one another.

We meet in Kuala Lumpur to celebrate the Chinese New Year annually but of late, not all the family members gather for the occasion.Those whose children are overseas go to visit them and a couple have migrated. It is too far a journey to come back every year but we do keep in touch by phone and email as well as Facebook.

The webcam, Facebook, texting, etc have made a great impact on relationships today. Distance is no barrier now because we can see and talk to one another whereas in the past, when these wonders of technology hadn't existed, the only means of communication was through the mail and very occasionally by telephone as the charges were exorbitant.

Somehow siblings have closer relationships but the significant others are sometimes more distant. Perhaps the integration was not there and besides they come rom different backgrounds and culture. Parents are usually the cement holding everyone together. Painful though it is, the passing of parents often leads to a loosening of family ties. I sometimes feel that the closeness has lessened. Perhaps it has to do with distance, less meeting up or communicating. Somehow it is not the same, speaking through the phone or email. The face-to-face contact is still preferable where we can go out together, talk together and shop together and eat together.



Maybe that's why I'm such a good client of MAS and AirAsia. I feel the need to be closer in person and this need for personal contact has become more urgent these days. A definite sign of growing older by the day! Not sure if there will be a tomorrow, I guess.

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Values...going...going...Gone

As time evolves, values tend to change. People have become more materialistic and many are trying to keep up with the Joneses. Often, in the race to get to the top, some do not bother who they have to step on or push aside. People get played out, friendships betrayed or trivialised in the crush, in the "dog eat dog" world of today.

Competition is stiff and getting more so. This is apparent even in schools, where children are urged to out-perform their school mates. They are rushed from school to tuition classes and extra-curricular activities such as martial arts, ballet, music, art classes, etc. etc. The majority of children of today are short-changed of their childhood. They do not have the time to enjoy their childhood years, where children should be out playing with friends rather than sitting in rooms plodding over work books. Where is the bonding time in families?

Mothers are busy chauffering their children to classes, going from point A to Z, trying to multi-task. Taking time to slow down and talking, playing with their children has often been forgotten. It's mostly " How many marks did you get..... Why not ...... How come your friend got more marks..... etc...you must have ....A's ...etc etc..that's why I pay so much money to send you to tuition...etc etc."

It's no wonder that children are frustrated, stressed out and often hostile. It's a wonder that they are coping at all.

I've seen kids who are sullen most of the time, withdrawn and unsociable. Children by and large are happy young people, very spontaneous in play and forthcoming.
However, not much joy can be seen these days. Small wonder if they are preoccupied with homework, tuition, performance, made worse by nagging parents.

Some are growing up without the basic courtesies such as saying "Thank you". "Please" or even addressing their elders respectfully. I think the tv has in part been a bad influence, especially the Cantonese serials where parents are addressed not with respect but often belittled or ridiculed. It may not have been intentional as the producers probably thought it a matter of "fun" or "playfulness" to address a mother as "old mother...." I dont even have the correct translation for the last word.

I have seen teenagers not addressing their elders at all even when they are guests. It is a Chinese tradition that the elders are addressed properly with due respect and as such, the form of address shows the relationship and status in the family. For example, your mother's eldest sister is addressed as "Tua Yee" and her second sister as "G Yee" etc. while your father's eldest sister is addressed as "Tua Kor" and second sister as "G Kor".

If you already have a child yourself, then your child will address your mother's eldest sister as "Tua Yee Poh", the second sister as "G Yee Poh". The "Poh" indicates the status of "grandhood" as in grandaunt or in the case of granduncle it is "Kong" as in " Tua Koo Kong", the right address( by your child ) for your mother's eldest brother.

This tradition of according the proper respect to elders appears to be eroding and the youngsters simply lump everyone as "uncle" or "aunty" which is incorrect and disrespectful. It is acceptable if you are not related to the elder. In fact it is a respectful address by people you don't know, the ordinary person in the street.

Malaysians are by and large, polite people who will address an older person as "uncle" or "aunty" which seems strange to Westerners. This address does not indicate relationship but is a polite form of addressing older people which is a good practice and to be emulated by youngsters.

I think we ought to maintain the traditional values of respect, especially in families and it is up to the parents to instil this into the young as they do not know better. The insistence of correct and proper address is a valuable tradition that ought not to die out as it indicates relationship and also fosters closeness.

I for one, would not be pleased if a nephew were to address me as "auntie" instead of "Tua Yee" for I would feel diminished, not regarded as a blood relative. It is not a case of being "old-fashioned" as the young are wont to say but my stand that such time-honoured traditions should be valued and preserved for posterity. We should not let indifference chip away our traditional values but ensure that the younger generation continue to observe them.

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Being a Mom

Those of you who are moms will know what it feels like when a child insists on doing something which you know could put him or her in danger's path.

This doesn't end at any point in life, not even when your child has grown up into adulthood.

This was how I felt when my younger daughter announced that she was off to Bali for a few days with her friends. She had been travelling to different parts of South East Asia and now she wanted to visit Bali and in December, of all time.

Do you remember Bali and the spate of bombings during one December when so many young people, out there for just a brief holiday, were killed by crazy zealots? Shivers of fear ran down my spine when her voice over the phone told me of her plans to go to Bali. I tried to rationalise with her that December wasn't a good time to go when there would be many Caucasians there and these would be targets of terrorism.

She merely said that everything had been arranged and paid for and she didn't think there was any danger as she and her friends weren't going around Christmas time.

What could I do? What could any mom out there do? I PRAYED that she and her friends would be safe, that the Almighty would cover and protect them during their stay in Bali and be with them throughout and bring them back home, safe and sound.

She returned last night. Relief flooded through me as she SMSed that she was in the train leaving KLIA and would take a taxi back home and that we needn't fetch her from the train station.

Her dad and I had flown into KL just to be there when she arrived home. Somehow I had to see her in person. Do you think it is silly and paranoid of me? Are other moms like me?

This was also the case when my elder daughter said that she and her hubby would be driving together with their two young children from Singapore to the East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia. I reminded her," But it's December, the period of monsoons and heavy rainfall and floods!" The newspapers had been full of daily reports of floods in the East Coast and evacuation of people to safer ground.

But my daughter was adamant. She said that December was the school holiday and that it was the only time they could travel. So off they flew to Singapore and then they drove to the East Coast ( Kuantan to be exact ) as planned. Yes, even as they flew off, my prayers went with them and I was very happy when my daughter SMSed to say that the journey was a very pleasant one, and that they had good weather except for one day. Praise the Lord!

Prayers DO work and I think moms' prayers are special to the Almighty because He always listens. The children He gave to us are also His children and we are here to fulfil our roles as parents, to nurture them and care for them always, even though they may already have their own families. Right?

Parents' roles do not cease the moment their children become independent or have started their own families. More so when a child is still single. I remember my father telling me that as long as any of us were unmarried, we were to stay in the family home. In his opinion an unmarried offspring is still a child.

However it's totally different these days. Children leave the family home when they begin working, especially when their work takes them away from their hometowns.

Where I now live, are homes occupied only by elderly parents as their offspring have left for the big cities where the opportunities are. It's the parents who go to visit their children every now and then as their children only return during the New Year family renunion which is once a year.

So as long as I'm mobile and capable, I will continue to visit my children. I'm blessed that my grandchildren live with me, and they only go away on holiday during the school term breaks and the year-end long holiday. They will be back after Christmas and the tree that they decorated before they left will be waiting for them, with all their presents under it. That is the moment I'm looking forward to, when they will come in the door and say "Poh-Poh, we're home!" Safe and sound.

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So Quiet it's Disturbing

Hi,

It's that time of year again...yeah.....holiday time, the end of the year when school is out and parents take annual leave and whole families flood the airports in a great exodus to their various meccas.

My daughter and her two children have flown off for their holidays and my spouse and I are alone at home.

Somehow it feels so different; a home without the young children is so quiet that you can hear a pin drop. It's almost disturbing so I've acquired the habit of putting the radio on, once I come downstairs. At least the voices of the DJs chirping away and the music they play cut the silence.

So there are less clothes to wash, there's no necessity to cook ( to cook for two is just too much of a hassle, especially Chinese cooking )and apart from gardening and watering the plants and housekeeping on the computer,there's little else to do.

My tv soapbox comes on only at 9:30pm so before that I try to learn a few things on the computer by going through the videos that I've downloaded ( at a cost, of course ). This is when time flies and I wish I have 3 heads (!!!) to cope with the amount of knowledge that I want to absorb. I know some people think I'm crazy...

My daughter's family are now on holiday on the East Coast of Peninsular Malaysia. Their holiday was a bit delayed because my grandson had an extra two weeks' school although the school had already closed officially. All the Chinese primary schools here insist that year 5 children going to year 6 in Jan 2010 remain in school for an extra two weeks to prepare them for the following year when they will have to sit for their UPSR examination ( a national examination ). Schools these days are very competitive. 0.01% difference in a mark could mean a ranking way down the ladder.
The year 1 pupils (ie year 1 in 2010) also had to come in for a 2-week orientation.

So you could see all the anxious guardians and parents milling around the school grounds and carpark waiting for the school bell to ring. Then it's hell let loose when the cars try to leave as quickly as possible, having picked up their little charges.

I thought those days were long over when my children were grown up but the cycle is repeating as my grandchildren live with me. We are truly blessed with their company at this stage of our lives and we get the joy of seeing them grow, right before our eyes, their ups, their downs, their development as they grow older.

Yes, we are missing them but the little ones are on Facebook, thank goodness, so communication is there. Facebook makes a difference to people's lives, I daresay. You can contact friends and family and catch up with the latest on their happenings.

The Christmas tree is up, the children having put it up before they left, so when they return, albeit after Christmas, their presents will be all there, piled under the tree.

The whirring of the fans, the 80's music on the radio (Lite FM ), the sound of the wind from the sea, the occasional boom of a plane landing, my spouse at the children's computer across the room, my fingers tapping away at my computer keys....these are the facts of life right now.

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Time is fleeting by

Hi,

I hadn't realised that it has been some time since my last post! Time has gone by so quickly that days merge into nights and nights fade into the dawn of more days.

What have I been up to?

Well, apart from household chores, I've been frantically trying to understand how internet marketing works. This is by no means an easy thing to grasp, for me that is.

Perhaps it's because the grey matter has curdled to an extent that it is no longer easy to understand concepts and to apply whatever one reads.

I've been reading and making copious notes, getting a bit of insight here and there. However I've yet to put it into the bigger picture to make some sense of it. To me it's like fitting pieces of jigsaw together and when the pieces don't fit, it can get frustrating.

I'm stymied at the moment and just realised that I haven't been posting in my blogs.

This weekend is a busy one, with tomorrow taken up with our bi-annual standardisation of IELTS examiners. Then Sat and Sun will be spent at the Oldies' Computer Camp.

This is an annual event sponsored by the state government to give the seniors an opportunity to get hands-on experience with the computers. So I hope to learn a bit more over the weekend.

Learning is a continuous process; it doesn't stop at all. Yet I see there are some people who are quite happy in their own world, not bothering to update themselves in this IT era. To each his own, I guess.

Do please visit my website http://www.peggy-chan.com and I would love to have your comments. This would help me in my learning process. So a big thank you to you.

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Do you know your ABC?

Hi,

Do you know what ABC stands for?

No, it's not the alphabet that you learn when you begin your schooling, neither is it the Air Batu Campur or Ice Kacang, the delightful dessert that can cool even the hottest temper.

I learnt it a short while ago while attending a short course on internet marketing.

It stands for Attitude, Behaviour and Character.

I learnt that your success in whatever you do, depends on your ABC.

If you have a lackadaisical attitude, you will never achieve your goals. That is true because success depends on how you committed you are, how focussed and how consistent.

One's behaviour also affects one's image. First impressions are lasting and if your behaviour is less than what is perceived to be acceptable, then this could affect your relationships whether in business or social circles.

Character is very important. One can put on a front but not for long. You can fool someone but you can't fool everyone all the time. Somehow your true colours will come out. If you are caught in a dicey situation, how you behave reflects on your character.

Some people have said that they can tell one's character by looking at one's face. I have my doubts about the accuracy of this but in a general way, you can tell if a person is up to no good by his behaviour, the look in his eyes and the way he talks.

I guess experience has a lot to do with it. I remember my granny telling me that she has eaten more salt than I have eaten rice and so it is advisable for me to heed her advice. She was very good at summing up a person's character.

That was why I always introduced my boyfriends to her. She was one astute lady.

So if you have wise grandmas, do listen to what they have to say. They may be old and out-moded but they have racked up more experience than we have. Just be alert to the pearls that come out of their mouths!

Please visit my website at http://www.peggy-chan.comDo go there to get your freebies.

Thank you.

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Growing Up

The pains of growing up today and the yesteryears are quite different.

In the past, adolescents used to respect their teachers and elders a lot more than the present generation. Teachers were highly respected and if you were to get a bad report from your teacher, rest assured that your parents would give you a hard time over it.

However these days, youngsters do not really hold their teachers in high regard, for whatever reasons best known to themselves. They post nasty comments on the internet. In the past there was no internet; at most we would just whisper among ourselves. Last year, some secondary school students posted on the internet the sordid details of their school principal's private life. Where did respect come into this?

In my experience as a teacher and principal, I have come across cases of students and parents having fist fights!! It wa
s certainly a sorry state of affairs. I also had parents calmly telling me that they shared their cigarettes with their young sons. We were having an anti-smoking campaign in school and a couple of boys had been caught smoking. So their parents were called in and that was the answer we were given.

Doesn't it make you wonder what these parents thought about their responsibilities towards their children?

It is no surprise though that some children are having a harder time of growing up and adjusting to the changes going on, not only in their bodies and minds but also in the world around them. They are exposed to so many unsavoury things and even with some degree of parental guidance, the rites of passage are not easy for them.

Mentors who are caring and patient can help them, especially if they can build a relationship of trust between them and their mentees. For some this would be a godsend especially if they come from dysfunctional homes where parents are too busy or unable to communicate with them.

Somehow,they have to cross the divide or build a bridge if parents are not to lose further ground with their erstwhile offspring. Perhaps it should begin right from the first years of a child's life. Gone is the time when a parent demands respect. Now he has to earn it. A relationship fostered in love and understanding coupled with a lot of patience combined with firmness, will see the bond of friendship between parent and child. I believe that this friendship bond is very important so that any issues that arise can be settled without any unneccessary pain. The two-way communication is very important and only love and understanding can bring this about.

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Catching Up Across the Years

Yesterday fifteen grandparents got together, a few of whom hadn't seen one another for 40 years or more.

Can you imagine how wonderful it was? Some of us last saw one another when we were in our early twenties and now we are in the sixties!

Yet the easy camaderie was there, spontaneous and joyful. Somehow the link was still there and still very strong. What is it about Brinsford Lodge that binds its graduates with such strength and affection? The bond that exists between Brinsfordians no matter how long the lapse of time is unique.

Mention that you are a Brinsfordian to someone whom you didnt know is a Brinsfordian as well, and the response is somehow shades warmer.

The ties that bind under the old English sky are silken and strong. We reminisced together, sharing little episodes that still stand out in our respective memories.

Some of us had hitch-hiked together throughout the British Isles and we had also traversed Europe on the eurorail having adventures that make us wonder at our youthful daring.

We used to hitchhike in pairs and would meet up in youth hostels at the end of each day. I remember Debbie and I were given a ride in a hearse, together with the coffin, en route to picking up its soon-to-be tenant. The driver, full of Irish mischief, teased us relentlessly and we were secretly trembling with fright. It was such a relief when he dropped us off along the road where we waited for our next ride.

Evelyn was our leader in a group of ten, with only one lucky guy Frankie when we made our way through a few European countries using the eurorail. On the way to Switzerland, we had embarked on a coach which wasn't going to our destination but we didnt know that. We didnt realise that coaches would be uncoupled during the night at a particular station and we had to be sure we were on the right one. Unfortunately, we were fast asleep when that happened and when the train stopped, we found ourselves in a small town far away from our destination.

It was already dark and after some hassle we managed to locate a youth hostel. Four of us were hungry enough to venture out to look for food while the others called it a day. I remember we were accosted by a couple of Africans and it was getting to be rather annoying when to our relief two Swiss policemen walked up and we got them to escort us back to our hoste.

Thanks to Evelyn's leadership, we got on to the train the next morning and arrived at our destination safely.

There was so much to catch up on that the three hour lunch was not long enough and we were discreetly informed that the waiters had to get the place re-arranged for high tea. Even out in the lobby, there was a reluctance to part for it had been so good to re-live the memories of our youth. Sum Choon had come in from Kota Bahru, Evelyn from Hong Kong enroute back to Switzerland where she now resides, and I from Kota Kinabalu.

All good times do come to an end and we parted with promises to get together once more next year. However I hope to meet up with them on a more frequent basis, now that there are cheaper airfares and with the relentess passing of time which seems even faster than before, comes a greater sense of urgency that I must make more opportunities to meet up with loved ones and "golden" friends before Destiny cuts the thread of life.

Somehow I cant see the link for images on this page so I invite you to look at my Facebook for the photos of these grandparents. You can find my facebook at www.facebook.com/peggylimchan

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Why do We Grow Sideways as we grow Older?

I've always wondered why skinny children grow up to be adults that are well filled out.

While in college or varsity, young people still have good figures, both male and female. However, when they move into the next phase, that is, their working life, this is where changes take place.

Most will get married, build homes and raise families. This is the phase where both the men and women begin to put on weight. The women, arguably, put on weight because they have become mothers.

It is not easy to lose the weight put on during pregnancy and during the confinement period when the elders insist that you have a special diet, to get back your strength and you are not allowed to do anything except to relax and rest. It is safe to say that with each pregnancy a woman gains more and more weight.

What about the guys? Why do they develop that unsightly paunch? Today I saw a man in the street, talking animatedly on his cellphone, with lots of hand gestures. His profile was that of a full-term mother-to-be.

How did he get to this state? Is it his wife's cooking? Is it the sedentary life style of today? I don't think he will be able to shed that pot belly.

Most of us tend to be overweight. Blessed are those with high metabolic rates that burn away the calories and keep them in shape. Those of us who are overweight are at health risks. A plethora of diseases headed by diabetes and its attendant complications await overweight people.

Then there is what people term as middle-age spread. This is to say that as we age, our hormones go a bit haywire and we begin to grow sideways. Even those who are not married, will lose their svelte figures, and the guys will also develop a pot belly.

Is there anyway to prevent this?

Yes, I believe so. It's called a change in lifestyle. We need to change our habits, eating habits, sedentary habits, and whatever it is that makes us put on weight. We need to lose the fat, especially abdominal fat.

Watching what we eat and eating the right kind of food, when to eat, when to sleep, and regular exercise will keep the excess pounds away.

To learn more about weight loss please feel free to visit my blog at http://peggy-chan/blog.

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Old is Gold

Two days ago I received a telephone call from an old classmate asking me out for lunch. It came as a surprise in a way because I hadn't been expecting her call.

We had been classmates since Form 1 ( when we were twelve years old ). I had joined the school after my parents re-located from a small town to Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of Malaysia.

It was a big change, in terms of language and school culture. The people in Kuala Lumpur mainly spoke in a dialect that I didn't know and the school was a big one compared to the one that I came from. It wasn't easy trying to make new friends especially when you don't speak the main dialect and many of the girls had been together since their elementary school days.

However I was lucky to have a very nice girl who took me under her wing. She taught me to speak the dialect and to use chopsticks. Who would believe it, me, a Chinese girl not knowing how to hold a pair of chopsticks. The sticks musn't cross when you are using them to pick up your food.

I come from a large family of ten siblings so the easiest way for us to eat was by using the spoon. Mum just gave each of us a spoon ever since we were old enough to feed ourselves and that was the way it had always been. So I didn't know how to use chopsticks. Of course I got laughed at when eating at the school canteen during the recess time. Anyway I soon got the hang of it, thanks to my older friend.

I was in the same class as this lady who invited me for lunch. She came to fetch me and said that having lunch together was the best way of catching up. It's true as one can't really talk when one is in a big group.

So over a simple lunch in an upmarket restaurant, she told me of the years since we left school. She was a high-flying career woman in the private sector involved with private tertiary education. Her three sons are all grown up with their own families and she was widowed more than a decade ago. However she has adjusted to being single once more and she's not interested in a second marriage.

We exchanged news about what we knew of our other classmates, some of whom have already left this world. Time flies. It did not seem so long ago that we were in school, playing pranks on other classmates and doing whatever mischief that seemed peculiar to naughty girls. I remember pulling the pigtails of a classmate, who is now a medical doctor. She was a school prefect and she was always asking me to toe the line, often chasing me literally in the school grounds! I have not seen her since we left school and I would dearly love to see her again.

It is quite fascinating that although we have left school for such a long time and have never met in the intervening years until very lately, it was quite easy to pick up from where we had left off.

Of course the years have played havoc with our looks, our size and our health. She used to be on the plump side but having fallen prey to age-related illnesses, she is now much thinner. Losing weight has had a better effect on her health and I must look to lose some weight too.

The holiday season has wreaked havoc as the goodies have been too much to resist.The older we get, the more sedentary our lifestyle is. We concurred that each day is different, with energy levels decreasing by the day. The joyously wild days of youth are now a distant memory.

Most of our talk centered around people we know and our present circumstances. Old friendships can be revived and there is nothing like an old friend to share the nostalgic memories of yesteryears, when we were in our heydays although we had been rivals to a certain extent.

I'm very blessed in that I have a few old friends who go a long way back and who are truly the "old is gold" kind, who will not hesitate to help when the need arises. These friends share and care. We have shared our joys and our sorrows; we were there for one another. Such friends are few and far in between but they will always be friends forever.

Fair weather friends come and go but the "old is gold" stay close.

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We are all the Same, yet Different

I was looking at the people in the departure lounge. Some were concentrating on their books, a few hidden behind newspapers, some texting on their cellphones,a few talking on their phones, a few children running about, eyed by anxious parents and others engaged in conversation. They were all of different races and nationalities.

Tourists were easily spotted as they were generally caucasians. The Asians were a bit more difficult to identify. However, snippets of their conversation identified their nationality.

No matter what color or what language they speak, they are all human beings, with red blood in their bodies, with the same concern for their offspring, with similar hopes of a good life for themselves and their own.

Only their stations in life differ. It is an accident of birth, whether you are born into a life that brings you the benefits not enjoyed by those born in the slums. It is also an accident of birth that sees you either living in disaster-prone countries or elsewhere in places that appear to be blessed by God.

A farmer toiling to eke a living from the land, an investment banker who works in air-conditioned comfort, a housewife who tries her best for her family....they all have the same aspiratons. To have a better life for their family. The degree of comfort differs.

I think that we all try to do good while in this life, to help those in need and to be kind. However, I need to qualify this because I just found out that there are people who are unkind and downright bad because they poisoned the stray dogs that have been coming to my brother's place for food. He used to feed the starving eight strays that were loitering in the neighbourhood and they looked forward to the evening meal that my humane brother gave them without fail every day after he returns from work. A couple of weeks ago he discovered that only two dogs came for their meals and he couldn't locate the rest no matter where he looked.

A few days ago his neighbour mentioned a foul odor emanating from the hill closeby. He went to investigate and found the rotting carcasses of the stray dogs he used to feed. They had obviously been poisoned.

No one, not even dogs, deserve to die this way.... being poisoned. It is a very agonising slow death. Only people who are heartless without any humanity would treat animals this way. May their sins find them out one day.

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I wonder

I wonder what it is like to be alone and isolated. It has been said that in the midst of a crowd, one can still be very much alone, even if you know some of the crowd.

My daughter and her two children who live with me are away for the long weekend break and the house is so silent and empty without them. My significant other is at the computer playing sudoku all day long and I'm also at my computer trying to learn this and that. So here we are, each in our cocoon, with the CD playing oldies from another era in the background.

I guess this is a form of feeling alone. Last night I was feeling lonely and picked up the phone to call my second daughter who lives and works in the capital city. I got her but it was not convenient to talk as she was attending a wedding dinner. Then I called my younger sister but no one picked up the phone. My spouse was watching telly so I returned to the computer to check email. Then I tried my sister's number again. This time my niece picked up and said that her parents were attending a wedding dinner.

This month is a favourite month for nuptials as it is 09/09 which in Chinese denotes all things auspicious.

Life is a cycle, from birth to childhood, adolescence to adulthood, to parenthood and grandparenthood. Some may not experience all these stages depending on their destiny. One begins as one and inevitably ends up as one again.

In between are the experiences one garners in life, sweet,sour, bitter, bitter-sweet, all part and parcel of what we know as life. Lucky people have beautiful relationships to cherish and lovely memories to dwell upon when one is back to life as one.

But are memories enough? They tend to fade with time and if one is well-off and can afford to live comfortably, life still has its compensations, even if one is alone, the other partner having moved on.

If you are blessed with good health in your old age, it is indeed a wonderful blessing for you needn't be dependent on others for your basic needs. Maybe you can begin another phase of your life, perhaps with another partner, or companion and with sufficient funds to keep you in a lifestyle you can enjoy. This will take away the loneliness.

I guess this is the reason why most men get married again after their wives pass on. Companionship I believe is the main need. Many women on the other hand, choose to live alone and carry on with their lives minus a second husband. Perhaps one in a lifetime is more than enough. Perhaps they have a better focus on the things that mean more to them than a second marriage. I know of a lady who single-handedly brought up her young children after her husband's passing and today they are successful young adults and she is a happy grandmother with the freedom to travel and do what she likes.

However there are some widows who married again and I believe they lead happy lives too.

I guess it all boils down to what you are, what you want to do, what your needs are and what makes you happy. Maybe loneliness is just a state of mind.

Check out what I've been doing at www.peggy-chan.com and you can also follow me in my new blog at http://peggy-chan.com/blog

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Dementia, senility, a nightmare

“Have the men had enough” by Margaret Forster is a
must-read for anyone who enjoys reading. It has its
funny moments and is very readable. It tells of a
family coping with their grandmother who is sliding
into senility.

We see the emotions of the granddaughter, the
daughter and the daughter-in-law as they manage
their lives around the beloved grandma who loses
her grasp on reality day by day.

There will be those of us who can empathise with
the family and understand their feelings and
helplessness.

If we get to live to a ripe old age without losing our
marbles, then we are very lucky indeed. Health is
really wealth, not just physical health but mental
health. It’s possible to be healthy, yet be senile.

This is the foremost fear in my own mind. What if
I become non compos mentis down the road? It
will be a terrible burden on my family. Emotions
are bound to run high.

What will happen? Caregivers will be taxed to
the maximum because a senile person can be
impossible in his/her ways. Paranoia presents
in many forms. My father was always convinced
that someone had stolen his money, even though
he was shown that his money was intact in his
little money-box. Repeating the same thing over
and over again like a long-playing record is
another habit that one has to live with. Some
senile people may no longer have control over
their bodily functions. Some may not be mobile
or may have to be helped to move around.

Will paid caregivers be patient and caring under
these circumstances?

Having paid care-givers around the clock is very
costly and most people would not be able to
afford it. Many have resorted to dumping their
senile parents in hospitals when they take them
there for treatment of an ailment. Others put
them in old folks’ homes, most of which do
not have specially trained staff to cope with
dementia.

What happens then? It is not difficult to imagine
the gross neglect as the senile inmate would be
deemed as “bonkers’ and be wilfully left alone,
most likely to stew in urine and faeces, especially
if he/she is no longer able to communicate
coherently. In the worst scenario, he/she could be
victimized and even abused physically as
“punishment” for having dirtied oneself and
the sheets.

There will be no visits of course, as by then, the
senile parent would most likely be unable to
recognize the offspring. So it will be a case of out
of sight, out of mind. Any sense of guilt would
be rationalized away.

I shudder to think of it. It’s a nightmare that
no one wants to have, but unfortunately, it has
happened for many and there are many who are
living in this nightmare.

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It really happened

The nightmare really came true for an elderly couple in Singapore. Abandoned by their off-spring! They had been too hasty in their love for their son when they gave him their duplex home as a wedding gift to him, thinking rightly that they would continue to live there with him and his bride.

Alas, not so for them. It was wishful thinking as it turned out. Their son sold the family home and bought a new condo, sending his parents to live with his sister. It didn't last. The daughter changed all the door locks and forbade her parents to see her children. The old couple found themselves out on the street, without shelter, without a home. Such ingratitude.

It calls to mind Shakespeare's King Lear who gave his kingdom to his two older daughters who then turned him out into the storm. The ingratitude of his two daughters drove him into madness.

I'm sure the old couple in Singapore are heart broken to find out how callous their children whom they have nurtured and educated, are. This is the sickness that has come to stay, in modern society. It's always self before others, even before your own parents. It goes against the grain, so to speak but modern lifestyles have no place for elderly parents, especially if they are infirm.

My younger friend has told me that parents should never part with their money or property until they are dead. That way, your children would not ill-treat you nor ignore you because they are aware that only after your death will they be able to lay hands on your money and property. That's why a will is very important, and wills can be changed at any time. It's a cynical way of looking at life but it carries truth as has been borne out by the many cases of abandoned parents. She even advised that we should always make sure we have enough money to survive in our old age as we cannot hope for our off-spring to look after us. They have their own committments and priorities and it is a painful fact that elderly parents are no longer on the priority list for many young people today.

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What will it come to?

Yesterday I was having a discussion with 11 & 12 year-olds in Sunday School. We were talking about social issues in our country and the likely consequences. One of the issues that came up was the abandonment of old and sickly parents by their offspring. These young Sunday School children were aghast and indignant that the old and sick are being callously abandoned either at hospitals, old folks' homes or simply left to fend for themselves as best they can or at the mercy of whatever comes along.

They were quick to point out that this goes against the commandmant "Honour thy father and mother" and as God has revealed through the ages in the Bible, those who disobey Him will have to face the consequences. We also talked about what our elders have always taught us. If you treat your elders poorly, your children in turn will do likewise to you. We also talked about filial piety.

They categorically stated that they would never ever forsake their parents. I told them never to forget what they had just said.

Sometimes circumstances force people to take the easier way out, to leave the care of aged and ailing parents to a sibling who is unmarried, or to a state insitution. It is not that they forget what their parents have done for them. It is the force of circumstances and it is human nature to choose the easier path or to put it bluntly, it is their selfish nature which puts self above others even if the others are your own parents who need your care. Abdication of responsibility is rearing its ugly head more frequently these days.

The authorities have said that there is no need at the moment for any legislation to compel off-spring to look after their parents as has been done in neighbouring Singapore. I believe though that there will come a time when they will have to do it or the burden on society and the state will come to breaking point.

Another issue raised by one of the children was murder. She had read about murders in the newspapers. "Thou shall not kill" chirped another bright spark. Yes, these children are quick to link the current ills in society with the laws laid down by God. As has been shown in the Bible, there will be repercussions.

The children set to thinking....... consequences......hmmm...... well, I won't bore you with the possibilities that these young minds came up with but I'm heartened that guided along the right path, they will certainly do the right things and there is hope yet for all of us.

Perhaps, what strikes home is that the family unit is paramount when nurturing the children. There must be a balance. It is not enough just to send them to school to learn but they must also be taught basic human values, that of caring for the helpless, the needy, the old and yes, charity begins at home. Look to your aged parents and care for them before you "selflessly" dig into your pockets towards a cause, just so you look good.

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Tough!!

It's really tough! My bootcamp colleagues met up yesterday and we were appalled to find that the majority of us have not been able to apply what we were taught over that weekend.

It was very demoralising. We picked each other's brains but did not come up with anything that could help us set up our website.

Our group leader was very helpful and he showed us his blog-based website. He also showed us some of his affiliate links.

I've been trying ever so hard to download a blogskin onto my blog to make it look nicer but I failed miserably. I could not find where to download onto my blog. In the process I lost the "layout" tab and in its place is the "Template" tag. Now I can't get to the page to edit the page elements which comes under the layout tab.

This is making me miserable. I've posted a question on this problem in the forum section and I hope some kind person out there will be able to give me some help.

This internet business and websites design is really tough especially for a person like me without any technical knowledge or basic computing skills. I guess it will take a lot more hours of reading and learning in order to get somewhere. Good luck to me!!!

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Attending Online Business Bootcamp

Interesting program, check out DerricChew.com

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I wish you enough....

Today I received an email entitled " I wish you enough".


On reading it, I was so moved that tears rolled down my cheeks for it reminded me of the time when I felt the same way. I too lived a very long distance away from my elderly parents and the only means of travel was by air. In those days, an air ticket was very expensive, more than a month's salary.


Because of that, I was unable to make it home for my siblings' weddings. Being in the teaching profession also meant that one could not take leave unlike the luckier ones in other professions.


Each time I managed to return home and it used to be only once a year then, during the year end school holidays, the time spent at my parents' home seemed all too short as the days flew past very quickly.


My mother used to lament the fact that I was so far away and as the years rolled by and she fell seriously ill, going home was always a time fraught with anxieties and misgivings. Watching her growing more frail than the previous visit made my heart ache and each time I returned to my own home it was always with the fear that it could have been my last visit with her.


Towards the end she was in and out of consciousness, heavily sedated with morphine and whether she was able to sense her children's presence was unclear. What was clear was the pain she was in, despite the morphine. The last time I saw her was during the Chinese New Year, a shadow of herself, eyes closed, lying so still on her bed. The Chinese New Year holidays were just a couple of days and I had to return to work. Taking leave of her this time was heart-rending. I dared not shed tears for it would not do, as my father was there, with her all the time. The tears were shed in my heart and on board the plane for I knew deep down that the next time I see her, my mother would have left us. I would only see the shell of her.


True enough before the 15 days of the Chinese New Year were up, I received a call from my sister that mum had passed on.


Because death comes unannounced and stealthily, you can never be ready for it, not even when you are at the bedside all the time. It always takes you by surprise. So it was when the phone call came. The earliest flight back home was the following day. By the time I arrived, mum had already been encoffined.


She looked very peaceful at rest, very much younger too as death had smoothened the lines of pain. Her wake was well-attended by friends and relatives and floral tributes overflowed into the garden. We were much saddened by her passing but glad to let her go as she had been suffering for a long period. Bone cancer is the most painful of all cancers. Any slight movement, even a light touch was enough to send her into spasms of unbearable pain.


The pain of losing a mother is unlike any pain; it is far greater than that of losing a lover. The void, the emptiness leaves you feeling very hollow and the pain is almost physical. It was a long time before I could think of her without feeling any pain.

I would like to share the email "I wish you enough" with you.

I wish you Enough

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.
Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough.'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone..' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more.

'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.
He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

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The One Left Behind

The doctor told me this morning that women in Malaysia live longer than men. He said that Malaysian women can live up to 75 or even 80 years of age whereas men will live up to 70. I think this is also the case worldwide. Women seem to live longer lives than their spouses.

When you think about it, life is indeed a cycle but it also is a circle in that you start off as one person. Then you meet your partner and you get married and become two. From two, you become four or six depending upon the number of children you have and raise.

The cycle goes on.... your children grow up and they leave to build their own homes and raise their own families and you become two again. Some people have a longer period of time than others to enjoy what is usually known as their golden years. This period is one where both partners have retired from their jobs and where their children have flown the coop. They have only themselves to look after and to enjoy whatever years of life there are left. This is a period which some would regard as "liberation", liberated from the responsibilities of raising children, giving them an education and seeing them into adulthood.

Now is the time to do what we like....... travel if we have saved up enough money to do so and to pursue hobbies or do the things that we had been planning to do for a long time. For some this is the case, hence we see many older couples taking off for holidays, near or far. Unfortunately for others, one partner is struck down by health issues and this ties them both down, as one has to look after the other. One of my friends looked after her spouse for more than 4 years after he had a series of strokes. Physically he was there but he was unable to communicate and unable to do anything for himself. He lingered in this limbo for more than four years until the Lord called him home. Then only was she liberated. But then, she said she would rather he be there in person still. His physical person being there makes a lot of difference to her. When he left, she was bereft, all alone and this, she said was very hard to bear, harder than having to see him suffer and herself suffering along with him.

My own father too, changed when my mother left, the result of cancer. He became more and more solitary and retreated into himself. It was a matter of time before dementia overtook him and he also left us.

Even though we are adults, the loss of our parents had a profound effect on us. The feeling of loss is indescribable and there is always the feeling that perhaps we could have made it better for them while they were here. Time soon healed the sense of loss and we have memories to treasure. I sometimes take memories out of the treasure box of my life and enjoy the happy ones, reminiscing those cherished moments. I hope others do too.

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Growing Old & Sick

We all grow old. From the time that we enter this world bawling and kicking, we are already growing older by the moments that go by.

It may seem a long time, from cradle to childhood through adolescence to adulthood and on to old age. Some have a long journey in between, making it to the celebrated milestones of 70, 80, 90 and a marvellous 100 years of age.

If you have good health all the way, then life is worth celebrating. If you are dogged by illness and bitter experiences, short-changed in many ways, then you might think about the hand that life has handed you. In general most people lead an average life, i.e. they have gone through the experiences of the various stages of life, enjoy fairly good health although the symptoms of old age have crept in slowly. Nevertheless they are still mobile and able to make the best of things.

I have been saddened by news of friends battling cancer; their courage and persistence in battling this scourge of modern times is to be lauded. If one has never been in a situation where one has been in contact with cancer warriors, one will never know the courage and the hell they go through.

I lost my parents and two sisters to this insidious disease. Their sufferings can never be told in words but their courage in facing the enemy is exemplary. They were truly warriors and their faith in the Lord was strong. Sometimes I can't help wondering why this had to be their end, why their productive lives had to end in such a way.

Is it because the cancer cells that exist in our bodies had been triggered into wild proliferation by something in the environment, by the food ingested, by the air breathed in?

We have abused Mother Nature to such an extent that we are victims of our own doing. More and more young people have succumbed to this disease. It attacks the various parts of our anatomy and the sense of helplessness that we feel in its presence is overwhelming.

Treatment is another battle all the way. The drugs currently in use debilitate the body and could be causing more harm in the long run. The disease simply whittles away the body even as it runs amok within the system.

When will we be able to conquer the ills faced by mankind?

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Time

I just went through my email and just realised how much of my time it has taken to read and to reply some of them. How true it is the saying "Time and Tide wait for no man".

Have you ever stopped at the end of each day to take stock? To look at how productive you were that day? What did you do? Was it worthwhile spending the time doing it?

I have heard people wishing that there are more than 24 hours in a day so that they can get through what they want to do. I guess things can be divided into " What you want to do" and "What you have to do".

The latter will have to come first and then you can go ahead to do what you want to do.

For retirees, I guess they have more time for the "what you want to do". Or do we really? I'm a retiree and I remember telling myself, " Oh, I'll do that when I retire." Now that I've retired, I find that I still don't have enough time to do what I want to do.

I want to read more, especially the different types of books that I'm interested in; I want to write poems, I want to write, full stop. I want to go back to experiment on baking, I want to go back to my handicraft.......oh so many things that I want to do now that I've retired.

Instead I find myself chasing time because there is still a lot on the "what I have to do" list. That eats into the time I thought I would have, having retired. Mind you, I've slowed down a great deal and I've become lazy too. What I could do very quickly say, 2 decades ago now takes twice as much time. So that steals away some of the time at my disposal.

Slowing down is a necessity as there is the fear of falling when things are done quickly and when one is old, bones don't heal as well or as fast, not when one is a diabetic to boot. I remember a friend's mother who fell and broke her hip bone and never recovered after that. She became bed-ridden and her health just went downhill very fast. Besides, one is not as agile as before.

Looking around at the things I've accumulated all these

years is such a pain. How can I ever get rid of the clutter?

Where to begin? As my brother-in-law said, one's

treasures is another's trash! We were chatting about the

past, how we collected souvenirs on our travels and how

much we cherish them, proudly putting them on display.

He asked a good question. Do you think our children will

appreciate these momentoes? Probably not as they do

not hold any significance for them. To the collector, they

evoke memories of the holiday they had. To others, they

are probably dust collectors that should be binned. In

other words, thrown away!

So now when I travel, I do not collect anymore souvenirs,

except for small gifts that are easy to carry home and to

give to family members. Trinkets for my daughters and

local edible treats that we can savour together with family

members when we get back home. Photographs are a must

as they capture the places that we've been to. On the other

hand, what will happen to the hundreds of pictures that

have been taken after we pass on to the other dimension?

They would have become more clutter.

Back to the question of time. When will the time come when we have to leave this world for the next one? How much time is there left? Is there enough left to let me do what I have not yet done?

On this note I think I had better do what I have to do and then do what I want to do, one thing at a time, slowly or fast, it doesn't really matter. What matters is to enjoy what one does and to treat each day as if it is the last. Right now it is time to start preparing dinner or there won't be anything to eat this evening!

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Young Talent

Each of us is unique and we bring with us our individual talents. No one is dull or stupid or slow or whatever......

I can still remember when I was a young child at school, some teachers used to call us "stupid", "useless", "good-for-nothing", "idiot", etc. etc. I remember being hit on my back with the long ruler that one teacher used to have in her hand all day long. She would also rap our knuckles if she thought we were not fast enough in our work. Why did she hit me? It was because I was hunched over at my desk! So the punishment was to insert a long ruler through my arms across my back so that I would have the "correct" posture, i.e. to sit straight up. Ouch! It did hurt at first. Not as bad as being rapped on the knuckles with the edge of the ruler though.

Nowadays students take offence if the teacher were to utter such words like "stupid" or "idiot". One can't blame them. Who likes to be called stupid or an idiot? No one is stupid, no one is an idiot. We are blessed with unique talents. An autistic child has a talent too, it only has to be discovered. A friend has an autistic son who is very hyperactive but he is very good in mathematics. Another child is gifted in music.

I had boys in my school who were not academically inclined but they were very good cooks and had better presentation skills than the girls in cooking competitions. A few were very good with computers ( they learned on their own as we didn't have computer lessons in the curriculum then) and today they have their own computer stores in shopping complexes.

Today I received an email from my brother-in-law which contained a video clip of three young teenagers who have such beautiful voices. These teenage tenors reminded me of the late Pavoratti, the great tenor whose voice thrilled millions. I would like to share this clip with you and I hope you are able to hear their song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqUkUjeF4-c

Such talent makes one spellbound.

I earnestly hope that all of us will strive to look beyond the exterior to discover the hidden talent or the latent potential of a person that is waiting to be unleashed.

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Turn of the century grandmothers

Those of us who became grandmothers at the turn of the last century are quite a different breed from those of yesteryears.

I remember my own grandma who hailed from China. She had bound feet also known as lotus feet but her feet were not as tiny as those of my other grandmothers. She said that when her feet were bound, it was so painful that she could not stop crying and her mother took pity on her and released the bandages binding them. However the damage was done and they were disfigured and swollen. Having bound feet was de rigeur for girls from families of some standing. It was considered a sign of beauty. Only maid servants did not have their feet bound as they had chores to carry out and they had to serve their masters and mistresses. My grandma's feet caused her much discomfort especially when she had to walk long distances. In the days of the nineteen fifties there were no taxis, only rickshaws or trishaws. Sometimes she used a trishaw after buying vegetables and other food from the wet market. The distance from the market to her home was too far for her to walk.

She was usually dressed in either grey or blue tops with black silk trousers. Her hair was combed into a bun behind her head. She was a housewife responsible for the cooking and washing and other chores, making the house a neat and tidy home for my grandfather and uncles. The only place that she went to, other than the market, was to the temple, to pray and ask for blessings for the family. Looking after grandchildren was also part of her responsibilities.
She looked after five of my siblings as we are a big family.

These days, grandmothers of my generation are a far cry from my grandma's. We are educated, we have brought up our children and discharged our duties as best we could and most of us do not live with our adult off-spring. We are very independent and mobile. We go wherever we want and whenever we want. It is not unusual to see grandmothers in line dancing classes, aerobics, yoga, even jogging in the parks. There are also grandmothers who run their own businesses and there are those who jet set all over the world. Some of us are very fashionably dressed and well accesorised. We do not wear our hair in buns on our napes but our crowning glory are often coloured and high-lighted. We take good care of our skin and our looks oftentimes belie our age.

Many of us however, do tend to drop whatever plans we have when our children send an SOS and we respond immediately. Most times it is to help them with their newborns and to babysit when they need some time off. This is perhaps the only thing we have in common with our sisters of yesteryears. Lending a helping hand when needed.

I remember when my daughter was expecting her first child in the UK. We went there with all the requisite herbs, etc so that when the baby arrived, we were on hand to look after her. Her dad boiled water with the herbs every morning and when the water had cooled to a suitable temperature, he would lug it upstairs to her bathroom so that she could have a nice warm scented herbal bath that would take the "wind" out of her system. He would also walk to the supermart to buy fresh range chicken so that I could double-boil it with herbs to make a nutritious soup for her. Yes, we looked after her during her confinement and helped with the new baby boy.

He was quite colickly and had difficulty sleeping and my late sister, who was just as excited as we were over the new arrival, the first of the new generation, flew to Cardiff where we were, with a "sarung stand", a Malaysian cradle so to speak, where a "sarung" ( piece of cloth with sides sewn together ) was suspended on a spring attached to the stand and the baby was put into the sarung and rocked rhythmically. The sarung held the baby snugly and he soon fell asleep. Should he wake, all we had to do was to gently pull the sarung in an up and down motion and he would drop off to sleep again.

Just as grandchildren brought joy to grandmas of yesteryears, so do they now bring joy to us, the new breed of grandmas. No sacrifice is too great for our grandchildren although one can hear an occasional grumble. Sometimes we hear of grandmas who throw up their hands in horror at the prospect of looking after the new babies and telling their offspring that enough is enough, they've looked after their kids and now that they are adults and parents themselves, it's only right that they should look after their offspring, although a helping hand will be there on occasion.

Whatever it is, we new generation grandmas have a lot to live for, a lot to thank for and we are ready to help when the need arises. Only do not expect us to be on call twenty four seven. We have earned the right to our own lives and R & R. Kudos to us all!!

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