My 2012

It’s Christmas Eve and soon it will be New Year’s Eve. Now that the world did not come to an end a few days ago, New Year’s Eve will be celebrated with extra zing and people will happily usher in the new year- 2013. Will there be changes for the better, individually and in general? I wonder, or will it return to more of the same?

It appears that the older one gets, the faster the days spin by. It is quite hard to believe that one year, 2012, is almost gone. What did I do that I can remember 2012 by?

I’m pleased to say that I discovered Kindle where anyone can self-publish and upload one’s books to the Kindle store in amazon.com. By trial and error I managed to upload a few books and they are available in the Kindle Store.

I have three books on weight loss and stress management and the others are short stories. Please check them out. Just click on the titles to view them.

Peggy's Weightloss Secrets
Detox For weight Loss and Good Health
How to Manage Stress and Stay Healthy
The Golden Orchid
The Legacy
The Legacy Pt II

I also self-published a print book entitled “Missing You & Branded Different”.

Another two entitled “The Encounter Pt 1” and “The Encounter Pt 2 You Can’t Have Her” are on the way. These are print books on Createspace.com

So 2012 for me has been a busy year of creating books. 2013 will be an extension of this although I will be resuming my handicraft interests. God willing, I hope to have a fruitful year ahead.

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The End of the World?

Of late I have been told to be careful, that the end of the world is imminent and that I should be prepared. December 2012 is said to be when it happens. How can I prepare for such an event? It is true that catastrophes have been happening all over the world, be they countries at war which have extracted horrendous aftermath or natural disasters such as earth quakes, floods, typhoons and hurricanes and other disasters that have taken a heavy toll on human life. These are taken as signs of the end of the world.

There will be a great harvest of lives but how, where and when is unpredictable so how can one be prepared?

One thing that anyone can do is to repent and atone for the sins and wrongs he has committed. This will in a way be a preparation for meeting our Maker. Worrying is of no use and will take the joy out of one’s life. Consider the law of averages: what are the chances that this event I am worrying about will ever occur? Maybe it is good to be a fatalist. “If it has to be, it has to be.”

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A Change for the Better or Worse?

The world is changing, not just physically in terms of environment and climate but also in mindset and attitudes. Being Asian and a Malaysian, I see the many changes that have come about, many of which are responsible for the social problems facing us today.

There is definitely a generation gap but it depends on which generation we are talking about. My parents’ generation which would be the mid nineteen fifties, would be aghast at the amorality of the majority of the current youth, i.e. the late teens to late twenties. They would have been horrified at the attitude of the now notorious duo who published their sexual acts on the internet, baring all and leaving nothing to the imagination. Had any of their children done this, they would have been disowned publicly for bringing shame and humiliation to their parents. How would they be able to look at friends and relatives in the face if their children had shamed them like this?

Some parents of my generation would still feel this shame and humiliation but will not go to the extent of publicly disowning our offspring. Keeping a stiff upper lip and maintaining the dignity of silence could be one reaction.

However it is interesting to note that many of the duo’s peers have come out to support their infamous deed and are of the opinion that such postings are nothing to fuss over and have accepted it with equanimity. The authorities aren’t leaving it at that. The university at which the young man is enrolled is considering measures for his breaching the code of conduct and his scholarship is in danger of being revoked. The Malaysian authorities are looking into whether the couple have broken the law by posting what is considered obscene material online.

The girl’s widowed mother is demanding that the duo marry but the boy’s family supports his view that marriage is not on the cards for now. He, despite his earlier bravado that he is unaffected by what people think of his actions, is, in my opinion, now capitulating to public outrage and has said that he will apologise to the university to keep his scholarship and to avoid expulsion. He is a final year student reading Law under a prestigious scholarship. At the moment he is on leave from the university and his scholarship funds have been suspended. To a certain extent he is being “forced” to conform by his intended action as he feels that he will receive a harsher punishment if he continues to show that he is unrepentant.

A good many people feel that this couple should have kept their sexual acts private and not for public viewing. So far it seems that many young women today think nothing of sending their naked photos to their boyfriends through their smart phones, whether out of narcissism or encouragement by their partners. Some however have regretted it when their erstwhile boyfriends chose to upload them onto the net either upon a falling out or for blackmail purposes. The newspapers have published a number of such cases.

Some parents have a different take on this. An indignant father said that he would castrate the young man. There are also parents who have been very liberal with their offspring, leaving them without “moral” anchors. It could be just a phase which the young will grow out of. Some have said that the young should be taught “no sex until after marriage”. Is this really possible given the current moral climate of permissiveness?

There is also the “do it but don’t get caught”, meaning don’t get pregnant. However, the young are still ignorant of how to avoid pregnancies and when the unwanted babies come, they are simply dumped or killed as a solution by the young mother who is often left in the lurch by the father of the baby.

Parenting is a great challenge today. It is no wonder that many married couples prefer to remain childless. Would you bring a child into the world as it is today?

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Does Stress Change One’s Personality?

A remark made by someone yesterday led me to ponder over his statement. He said that living and working in a big city had changed his son. His son had become impatient and grumpy. To his parents’ disappointment he had no intention of settling down and raising a family, citing that he had no time to do so.

Why is it that “settling down” is perceived in Asian society at least, as getting married and raising a family? Why can it not simply be perceived as holding a stable job, having a roof over one’s head and being able to fend for oneself without drowning in debt or hocking oneself to the limit?

Perhaps it is this perception that one ought to settle down and raise a family that is adding to the stress in one’s life.

Working in a big city can be stressful as there are lengthy commutes in usually heavy traffic that can take up quite a lot of time. I’ve heard of people leaving home before 6:00 in the morning just to be able to get to their work places on time. This works both ways. In the evening one faces the same situation and if it rains, traffic jams can be so bad that you spend an extra hour on the road before you get home.

Work place pressures and the need to get ahead in the rat race contribute more pressure. So is it any wonder that a person becomes impatient and grumpy? Especially when one is constantly being asked about when one is going to settle down?

I think it is harder on the man than on a woman although these days many women prefer to remain single, whether to pursue their career dreams or simply having the freedom to decide on what one wishes to do, whether to eat in or out, to travel or spend one’s leave at home, etc. There won’t be another person who may not like what you want to do or children to tie you down.

A married man would have the onus of getting a house for his family, saving for his children’s education and a lot of other commitments. It is a fact that in private schools, at the elementary level, a parent has to fork out about RM20 thousand per year per child. One naturally wants one’s child to have the best in education so one has to be prepared to pay. Oh, the stress of all these is enough to turn one’s hair grey and even change one’s personality.

Indeed stress can change a normally placid person into a raging beast as evidenced in “road rage”, child abuse where the harassed parent turns on his/her own child to vent his/her frustration.

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An Act of Kindness, A Good Word

Many people's lives have been changed by an act of kindness or a good word. Sometimes,this happens when one least expects it. Perhaps somewhere, someone is praying for you and in your hour of need, the answer comes.

I would like to share this poem with you so that you can ponder and who knows, it might just lead you to do something about it.

                           Reflection
           You never know when someone
           May catch a dream from you.
           You never know when a little word
           Or something you may do
           May open up the windows
           Of a mind that seeks the light –
           The way you live may not matter at all,
           But then again it might.
           And just in case it might,
           And just in case it could be
           That another’s life, through you,
           Might possibly change for the better
           With a broader and brighter view,
           It seems it might be worth a try
           At pointing the way to the right –
          Of course it may not matter at all,
           But then again – it might.
 
(Author unknown)

Through a kind word or an act of kindness, you may be lighting someone's way forward.

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Statutory Rape and the Sentence

Much has been said in the local media about the two young adults who got away with statutory rape. I would like to chip in with my two cents’ worth.

The first young man was 19 when he committed the offence with a 13 year old girl. The second was 21 and he was convicted of raping a 12 year old. As both girls were under-aged, even if it was consensual sex, it is deemed statutory rape.

The court bound them over for good behavior for a period of five years. Many have come out to say that this is just a slap on the wrist of both perpetrators. Public opinion has criticized the court’s decision.

There has also been reports that VIS ( victim impact statement ) should have been used for rape cases so that the victim can tell the judge of her trauma and feelings before sentencing takes place.

I think this is good but then in the case of such young children ( I consider 12 and 13 year old girls as children because they are not yet mature in their thinking ) they may be shy to speak about their experience. If it had not been consensual sex, it could be worse as it would mean the victim reliving her horrific experience all over again.

If you were the family of the victims, what would your reaction be when the rapists get away with their crime? For indeed it is a crime to do what they have done. Being nineteen and twenty one years of age, they would surely know that what they did is wrong. Robbing these young girls who are barely out of their childhood, of their innocence is heinous. Allowing them to get away with it sets a dangerous precedent.

Then again, how do parents allow their young children to go out with people who are so much older than them? 21 years old with a 12 year old girl, 19 year old boy with a 13 year old girl. Surely they should be having friends that are of their own age? Little girls are vulnerable and may not know how to assert themselves in the face of the young men who may have sweet-talked them into doing things that they shouldn’t be doing at their age. The 12 year old girl indeed did ask the 21 year old to take her to school but instead he took her to his place and raped her. What defense could she have put up? He could have put the fear of whatever into her. Physically she’s definitely no match for him.

It comes down to this. I think parents should be more concerned and aware of their young daughters’ friendships with the opposite sex and their activities. Where do they go and with whom? It is important to know your children’s friends. Even more important is to make sure your children know that sexual activities are out of bounds and that they know how to say no to any person who is seeking to take advantage of them, and what they should do in case they find themselves in a perilous situation.

Parents are the best teachers that a child can have so it is your responsibility to educate your child in the ways of the world. Unfortunately too many parents are abdicating their roles these days for reasons best known to themselves.

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Coming to Terms with Old Age

How does one define old age? Many consider it the period after one’s retirement from the workforce as well as one’s chronological age on the wrong side of sixty. You can tell that you are growing old when your body slows down and you can no longer do the things you used to do or you do them at a much slower pace. Where once you could play back to back badminton games, you now settle for a slow jog or a brisk walk.

Someone said that when one has reached old age, the important things are a harmonious family, friends, good health and money. Not all of us are fortunate enough to have all four.

Young families often live on their own away from their parents. Privacy is what they want. It is true that there cannot be two women heading one household and the daughter-in-law usually wants her own home. However, many young people are quick to fall back on their folks when it comes to many things.

Horror stories of unreliable maids, child care centers where young children have died under their care, difficulty in finding a good child minder, etc. are reasons why more and more young parents are leaving their babies and toddlers with the grandparents.

So instead of enjoying their old age, these elders now find themselves having to care for another generation of youngsters. Which parent can say no when a son or daughter asks for your help? You rationalize that these are your grandchildren and you are happy that your children trust you to look after their offspring while they go to work.

However, we old folks must be aware that we are entitled to our own time, our enjoyment of activities that the state of our health permits us and to be free to do what we want to do, whether it is to have a natter with friends over a cup of coffee or dim sum or to travel to places that we could only dream of when we were younger, struggling to raise our families.

We should work out a compromise with our children, such as supervising their young toddlers say 2 or 3 times a week, no weekends and certainly no overnight stays. Many elders have been tasked with the chores of baby raising ( yes, cooking, feeding, washing, etc. plus overnight stays throughout the week ) so much so that they are hard done by. Their children have taken them for granted, that they will always be there to do these things for them. This is not fair as their parents have earned the right to retire and to relax, not to be burdened with child raising all over again. Unfortunately, the old parents do not know how to say no and find themselves in this undesirable situation.

I think young people should be sensitive to their old parents’ needs. After all, no one knows the number of their days left on earth. Shouldn’t these days be left for them to enjoy as they see fit?

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The Many Shades of Love

Love plays a major role in shaping lives. A young child who is nurtured with love will know how to love. Siblings that are brought up in an atmosphere of love will have close bonds that last. Family love is what holds the family together in good times and bad. “Blood is thicker than water” holds true more often than not.

However, there are different types of love. There is the love among friends, where close friendships are built over a period of time and have been tried and tested.

There is also the platonic love between people of opposite sexes, where close friendship has been forged and remains as friendship which either party can depend on, in times of stress and hardship, where sexual relationship has no place.

The most common love relationship is of the heterosexual kind, between a man and a woman and this kind of love is the most complicated of all. Yet it is the most exciting and most romantic especially in the first phase, the phase of courtship where the chase can be an exhilarating experience. It used to be ( and I hope it still is for the majority )the man chasing the woman but in this upside down world now, it is also where the woman chases the man!

Most of these relationships happily end in a walk down the aisle but many these days simply end in a mutual arrangement to live together. I guess the latter makes it convenient to opt out when things aren’t going well between them. Marriage requires a strong commitment to make it work, especially when there is a child involved.

Sometimes relationships become jaded, a case where familiarity can breed contempt and love fizzles out. One partner may move on to someone new, leaving behind the other to suffer in anguish and despair.

Some may get divorced so that both parties can have a new beginning. Others may remain in loveless marriages because of the children or because of other reasons.

Whatever it is, love cannot be taken for granted even if your partner loves you very much. It has to be nurtured like a garden.

If you do not water the flowers or the plants, they will wilt and then die, leaving it a place overgrown with weeds or worse, just a barren patch.

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The Guessing Game

Now that the Malaysian general election is purported to be around the corner, lots of articles are published in the media. The various newspapers cover the campaigns for the political parties that form the current government. The internet via blogs and videos give prominence to those in the opposition.

Views and bashings proliferate in both print and electronic news. To those not really in the know, we can only guess at what the truth is. There is so much information and misinformation that it is not easy to separate the two.

The date of the general election is still under wraps and the list of candidates that will be standing is also not finalized. There have been reports of impending resignations from political parties, horse trading and the like.

What the ordinary citizen wishes for is good governance and wise leadership that will guide our country into a future that is not fraught with uncertainties. The majority is looking for a government led by leaders of integrity, honesty and accountability. May God give us the wisdom to vote wisely for the future of our children is at stake.

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Violence Against Women

The past few days have seen a rash of violent incidents targeting women, women who have been victims of snatch thefts and armed robbery in car parks, open as well as in shopping malls. There were also instances of two women, torched out of jealousy and they succumbed to their horrific burns.

This violence has instilled fear in women and many prefer not to venture out of their homes on their own.

Why are the perpetrators doing this? Some people have said that unemployment and being under the influence of drugs are the main reasons. These are no excuses for the crimes being committed.

Being unemployed does not give one the right to deliberately inflict injury and rob. It is more the case of being lazy and taking the easy way out instead of buckling down to an honest day’s work which can be tough if one is working under the sun as a labourer. It is much easier to ride a bike, slash the defenceless women and snatch their handbags, without any conscience. Such criminals get away with their crime for it has been difficult to apprehend them. Those who are caught, are prosecuted before a court of law but more often than not, the penalty is too light to deter other would-be hit and run robbers.

There doesn’t seem to be any place that is safe, where a woman can walk without fear, without having to look over her shoulder, without tensing each time there is a motor bike approaching. Having a companion is no guarantee of safety either as has been reported in the media.

This malaise of the times needs to be addressed immediately not only by the men in blue, but also by the law makers who need to amend the existing laws so that harsher custodial penalties including whipping be the norm for such crimes. A minimum of ten years behind bars and ten strokes of the cane should be mandatory for snatch thefts and if the victim died as a result of the crime, then the perpetrator should be handed the death penalty. I think this is more than fair.

The community at large should also play their part to apprehend the culprits instead of being apathetic or ignoring the crime because of self-preservation and the attitude of non-involvement. Remember, it could happen to your loved one any time.

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Then and Now

Two days ago I received an email that sent me back to the period when the computer didn’t exist, no mobile phones, no tablets, no smart phones.  This email detailed what most of us ( baby boomers ) did, how we entertained ourselves, the way we mixed freely with our friends of different races and cultural  backgrounds, how we shared our food and played together out in the open, whether it be marbles, kite flying and kite fighting, spinning tops, and yes, spinning the little wooden disc nailed to the ice cream vendor’s  container which had small nails and figures written on it.  For 5 cents, you could spin it once and see where it stopped. If it stopped at 2, then you get two ice-cream potong ( ice cream lollipop ) one of which you then give to your friend.

I recall how we would cluster eagerly round the ice-cream seller to see which of us would be lucky enough to get two sticks of ice-cream.  Boys and girls played games together, enjoying the company.  It was safe to play outdoors.  We never feared for our safety and our parents didn’t have to be paranoid like the parents of today.  We didn’t have to barricade our windows and doors with steel bars and it was either catching the public bus or walking to school.  The thought of being kidnapped never surfaced.  We were safe walking along the streets and footpaths.

We could  visit freely our neighbours’ homes, during the festive season.  There were no concerns such as whether our friends’ food or mothers’ cooking was halal or not.  We respected our friends’ beliefs and practices and we enjoyed the food laid out for us.

Today, things have become so different that we would prefer to meet outside the home lest we offend the sensitivities of others where preparation of food is concerned. We hesitate to invite colleagues of other races to our homes for a meal. This is to save them the embarrassment of having to decline as well as our embarrassment at being turned down.  I wonder when and how this came about. To me, this is a sad thing.  Our children are missing out on what we used to enjoy in the past.  Freedom from fear, from prejudice and most of all, simple, clean fun and a great camaraderie among friends and neighbours.

The loss of all these --- is this the price of “progress” ?

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Creativity, Passion and Teamwork

These three factors, creativity, passion and teamwork resulted in a product of exquisite beauty, a 5-tiered wedding cake. It was also a labor of love by two talented cousins who baked this wedding cakefor their cousin who returned to Kuala Lumpur to celebrate her wedding with friends and relatives.

Without love, creativity, passion and teamwork, I’m sure this first attempt to bake and create a wedding cake would not have succeeded as well as it did.

It goes to show that success comes only with love and passion for what you do. Creativity is needed so that your product will stand out as unique and teamwork is essential as more often than not, a single person may find it very tough to work under constraints and may just stop short of achieving what he has envisaged.

This wedding cake is unique in that every layer of cake is real and different. Hotels usually provide a dummy cake with a small portion which is real so that the bridal couple can cut it. Tiers 1 and 2 are Victoria sponge cake filled with butter cream icing and raspberry preserve. Tier 3 is mocha cake with salted caramel,  tier 4 is rainbow cake with white chocolate ganache while tier 5 is chocolate cake with dark chocolate ganache. This is truly one wedding cake of its kind, unique, and the decorations are lavender sprigs and flowers in lavender color, the reason being the bride will become Mrs M L Lavender after taking her marriage vows.

I'm very proud of my two beautiful and talented nieces and their superb wedding cake.

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Age is Just a Number

Age is just a number these days. You are as young as you feel. So if you’re still in your twenties but feel as if you are fifty, then you are old! Similarly if you are in your swinging sixties but still feel that you are sweet sixteen, then you are sixteen at heart.

Time always appears to be at a standstill for those who feel forever young. Such people have an advantage over the rest because they are happy and it shows. There is a spring in their step, a smile on their face and they radiate positive vibes.

However, there are others who emit negative vibes and they can drag you down by depleting you of your energy. For them, life is always a round of complaints.

Whichever group you belong to, time still passes by. Have you noticed that for the young and the old, time appears to be spinning past faster and faster each year? Look at this year. It’s already past the halfway mark. June has stolen in stealthily before we are aware of it.

It wasn’t too long ago that we were on the cusp of a new millennium and I remember that many people were very apprehensive of the YK2. Some wondered if all the computers would crash. What would happen to the banks, the aeroplanes? Thank goodness the new millennium came in without a hitch and here we are, already in 2012.

Life is wonderful. Enjoy each day as it dawns and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us and be thankful for family and friends that make our life what it is for we never know when our number is up. There are so many obituaries in the papers each day. Some lived to a ripe old age while others left in the prime of their lives. More saddening are those who left before they had the chance to bloom and realize their potential.

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Why Do People Do Foolhardy Things?

Today I saw a car trying to make an illegal U-turn at a section of the 3 lane road which had been chained off as accidents had occurred there before. Someone had cut the chain and this wise guy was trying to make a U-turn there. Cars were coming at high speed and I wondered how he was going to u-turn.

What prompted him to do this foolhardy thing? Was it to save on petrol? The legitimate U-turn was just a kilometer down the road. So how much money could he save?

Supposing he misjudged the distance and speed of the oncoming vehicles? He would definitely cause an accident of horrific proportion. Either he or the unfortunate driver of the other vehicle could sustain injuries severe enough to cause death or permanent damage to their bodies. Perhaps other vehicles may be involved too as the road has three lanes, all of which have traffic.

So to save perhaps one dollar’s worth of petrol, he incurs incalculable losses. What price can you put on a life or a maimed body? Should death occur, what of the emotional toll on the family members apart from the sum incurred for funeral expenses, etc? If he were lucky enough to emerge alive, what of the medical costs? What about his job? Would he be able to keep his job if his injuries warrant a long period of rehabilitation?

This is just one instance. A motor bike vroomed past us and he continued to tail gate the car in front of him. Didn’t he realize that if the motorist stopped suddenly, he would crash into the car? What would then happen to him? I shudder to think of the outcome.

So why do some people do these things? Do they think that they are invincible? Common sense should prevail instead of foolish dare devilry. One mistake could mean life-long misery. The tragedy is that innocent road users often have to pay the price for what these selfish pea-brained people do.

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Channel your Energy through Writing

Writing is a way of expressing oneself.

Creative writing requires discipline and imagination. The imagination part is where you can let yourself go, where you can really dream up story lines and create your characters.

I have enjoyed crafting two pieces of writing and having stumbled upon amazon's kindle where one can self-publish, I took the opportunity to upload these.

One is a short play and the other is a short story. You can find the play "The Golden Orchid" here

The second one is entitled "The Legacy" and you can get it here.

Please check them out and do give me your feed back. This is important because it is only through feed back that a writer can improve so I hope you will help me by reading these books and give me your feed back.

I appreciate all your help and support. Thanks.

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Of Bohsias and Cikaros

First there were bohsias, girls who, according to a newspaper report, sometimes become “prizes” for the guys who won bets.

Now the latest are the cikaros, pre-teen girls and teenagers who surrender their prized maidenhood to street thugs voluntarily, after a short period, as short as a few hours’ acquaintance. They do so to vie for the title of “ratu cikaro” or Miss Popularity. The criteria for this title are being sexy, bubbly and brave. They may be found in places where the thugs have their illegal races and they are also often on the move.

What has happened to the parents of such girls? Do they not know what their offspring are up to? Do they not question the hours that the youngsters keep? Illegal races are often held in the early hours of the morning, a time when young people should be in bed, as they would have to attend school the next day.

Or don’t they attend school? Or do they belong to today’s lost generation, growing up amoral, without parental guidance or supervision?

Have their parents abdicated responsibility when their children become out of control? Why do they give up so easily on their young? Does religion no longer play a part in family life?

Should couples preparing for marriage then be compelled to attend parenting skills seminars as part of the preparatory course? This could give them an idea of what it means to be responsible parents and how to nurture their children.

Religion and religious practices should be an integral part of home life so that the young have a moral framework to support them when they encounter problems. Fear of God is good in that one thinks before acting in a manner that is unacceptable to God.

Meanwhile let’s hope that this cikaro trend will not escalate to the detriment of the generation that is coming of age. Think of HIV, Venereal diseases, baby dumping or infanticide..... the list of horrors is appalling.

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Do You Believe You Need to Belong?

I think mankind is created to want to belong, whether to a family, a group or a community.

This can be seen even among children. Have you seen a child looking wistfully at a group of children playing, wishing that he was a part of that circle?

Then when a more sensitive child, having noted this, beckons him to join them, do you see that wonderful smile lighting up his face as he rushes over to be included?

No man is an island, however much we wish to deny that we need other people in our lives.

No one likes to be left out. Nothing is worse than being ostracized by your peers or friends. One way of punishing an errant school mate was to send her to Coventry. Everyone ignored her, as if she didn’t exist. This, my friend, is a most painful experience.

Thus we have groups, cliques, circles of friends, etc. to which we belong and this is where our gregarious nature finds sustenance. Within our groups we support one another and relationships grow and deepen with time.

Truly sad is the person who is the outsider with no place to belong to, no inner circle in which he can find a more meaningful existence.

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Are You Ready?

A common question that is asked many times but under different circumstances. In this case, are you ready to exit this dimension? Are you prepared so that when you exit, the people left behind are clear in their minds what they have to do?

If you are not prepared, those left behind could be in confusion or in conflict as to what to do. So it is always good to be ready and to be prepared so that nothing is over looked.
The first thing then is to ask yourself these questions.

Have you put your affairs in order? Are there instructions that can be followed and your wishes carried out?

In the event of debilitating disease that leaves one helpless and in constant pain, you may not be able to make your wishes known. Thus it is advisable to put in black and white, e.g. when you have suffered a massive heart attack and are comatose, instructions such as “no life support” so that you can depart and not be held back by machines. This will only prolong everyone’s suffering.

You can also have your last will and testament done so that all your worldly assets are distributed according to your wishes. This will eliminate any disputes among those left behind.

You can also specify the type of ceremony to see your earthly remains farewelled and disposed of.

Will it be a burial and if so have you prepared your resting place? Will it be a cremation and if so, where will your ashes be scattered? Will there be a church service and have you selected your hymns? Who will deliver your eulogy? What about a party to celebrate your life?

What about the “To do “ list that spells out e.g. the termination of your credit cards, where you have kept them, what to do with the contents of your computer, e.g. the photos that are kept there, your ebooks, your websites, your email accounts, are you going to have them deleted?

Making such preparations will help those loved ones that you leave behind to know what to do. They will not be left confused, wondering what is best for you and how to go about it. Giving them direction will go a long way towards easing their pain.

Do not leave such matters aside or refuse to think about it as we do not know when our number is up. The grim reaper comes without warning and it is good to be prepared.

So are you ready?

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Look Out For Your Child

Children are meant to be loved and treasured, not abducted and murdered. The latest case was a five year old child who was abducted, killed, burnt beyond recognition and buried in an abandoned housing project. She had disappeared while on an errand and was found dead, eight days later. The police identified her remains through DNA.

Investigations revealed that she was the victim of bad blood between her family and drug addict squatter neighbours.

Such a deed is horrific and speaks volumes of the barbaric nature of the perpetrators as it was committed on a young, innocent 5 year old. One can only imagine the terror of the child in her last moments.

What of the parents? Are they delinquent in allowing her to go on an errand to the neighbourhood shop all by herself despite her age? It was obvious she had done this before and the mother had stressed that their neighbourhood is a safe place.

Is any area really safe for a child? Danger can lurk in a familiar neighbourhood that had been perceived to be safe as this unfortunate family has discovered, with such painful consequences.
Monsters out for revenge and perverts lie in wait for the unsuspecting. Parents, how would you address this problem? You can never say that it only happens to other people.

Many children have been killed in the past but it appears that lessons have not been learned. Being busy is never good enough to put your little ones in danger.

Perhaps it is time that parents inculcate in young children the need to be careful and not trust anyone, even if he or she is a familiar person. It is their very innocence that makes them most vulnerable. It is a sign of the times that young children have to be taught to be less trusting and more wary of adults. Better safe than sorry, as the adage goes.

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All Dogs Are Not Born Equal

Just found out that there is a new cable TV station that caters to dogs, called DogTV in San Diego. It’s mainly for the canines that are left at home while their owners are at work.
The programs are to soothe the dogs that may suffer from separation anxiety and to keep them relaxed and entertained. Researchers have discovered that dogs like shows with other dogs in them, shots of dogs playing and chasing balls.

Poor Asian dogs! They don’t have a cable network devoted exclusively for their entertainment. The western dogs really have it good, with a country club that provides day care while their owners are at work. According to the American Pet Products Manufacturers Association, Americans spent more than $45 billion on their pets in 2009 and a growing number of American households with pets are spending more than $4 billion annually on grooming, boarding and doggie day care.

Most Asian dogs are kept to do guard duty. By day they are caged and by night let loose to roam the house compound to guard the premises against intruders. The luckier ones especially the smaller ones may be let into the house, there again to do guard duty. Their teenage owners may play with them in their spare time, otherwise they are left pretty much alone, usually asleep or looking bored.

Worse are the non-pedigree canines that were bought because they looked cute when they were puppies but lost their looks as they grew older. When their owners get fed up with them, they are simply abandoned and left to fend for themselves.

Those who do not want their pedigree pets anymore will leave them at pet shelters. Often the numbers are too many to handle and they have to be put down.

Of late there have been campaigns to educate the public about pet keeping and pleas to adopt these abandoned pets instead of purchasing from pet shops.

Pets are not fads but meant to be life-long companions, to be cherished and not ill-treated or treated with indifference.

However, there appears to be a growing trend for the affluent young in the cities to pamper their pets to the extent of not only sending them for grooming but also dressing them up, just as one would dress a child, complete with accessories. Truly, not all dogs are born equal.

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The Big C and God’s Divine Mercy

Cancer – the very word strikes terror into our hearts. Some prefer to call it the Big C rather than give it sound, as though the very utterance is contagious.

More and more people these days, are diagnosed with this disease, often in the prime of their lives. It has to do with diet, the environment and to some extent, genetics. The disease runs in families that have defective genes that are prone to it.

Medical science has progressed with the development of new drugs to counter the disease. Sometimes the battle is won at heavy cost, not just financially but physically and emotionally. Drugs destroy the cancer cells together with the healthy cells. Chemotherapy is debilitating, to say the least. The patient suffers during treatment. The carers and the family members suffer along with the patient.

When my younger sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she was at the fourth or terminal stage. The doctor gave her at most six months or she could be gone within two. Her cancer had spread throughout her body, affecting her liver as well.

Fortunately her will to survive was strong. Her son was only twelve years old, in form one. Our family and friends rallied around her, giving her strength and praying constantly for God’s mercy. Praise to the Lord who answered our prayers. She went into remission and although the cancer re-surfaced later, God gave her an extra four years, during which she was able to see her eldest daughter get married.

Never underestimate the power of prayer. It is even more powerful when many pray together. God answers prayers. He is always there for us whether we realize it or not. All we have to do is to call on him, pray faithfully and miracles will happen. It happened in my family when God gave my sister four years while the doctor gave her at most six months. Praise be to God for his Love and Mercy.

Today her children are all doing well and have done her proud. It’s been ten years but she’s still very much alive in our hearts and minds.

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Valentine's Day

What does Valentine’s Day Mean to You? Who celebrates Valentine’s Day?

There are legends attached to this Day and it is celebrated in many countries throughout the world. One of the oldest tells about St Valentine, a priest who was persecuted and imprisoned by the Roman Emperor Claudius II because he refused to turn his back on his religion, Christianity. Before he was executed, he healed his jailer’s daughter of her blindness. On the eve of his execution, a note was sent to the girl whom he had healed and befriended, signed “From your Valentine”.

Through the years, February 14, St Valentine’s Day evolved to become a day when friends and lovers expressed their love for one another. It has ceased to be of any religious significance.

Today it has become very commercialized with restaurants offering special menus to celebrate the occasion. Jewellers have jumped on the bandwagon by promoting jewellery in the shape of hearts to symbolize love. The newspapers have advertisements of heart-shaped pieces of jewellery from various jewelers.

Florists import lots of red roses as they carry the message of love. Men will buy their beloved red roses and chocolates as well as jewellery if they can afford the outrageous prices.

Others may send special valentine cards.

I remember in my school days, our teachers encouraged us to make our own valentine cards to give our friends with the message “Be my Valentine” as they told us that Valentine’s Day is also a day to celebrate friendship as well as love. We could also give Valentine cards to our family members.

It was never a Day when we had to spend lots of money. I remember exchanging a self-made Valentine card with my best friend. However things became more exciting when cards were received from anonymous admirers who may have been too shy to reveal their identities, especially from members of the opposite sex.

Today it seems de rigueur to give your girl friend or spouse red roses and have an expensive evening out, dining and wining in restaurants. A gift is also expected!

Unfortunately, there have been fallouts when this practice is not followed, usually due to a lack of money. So what should have been an enjoyable evening turns unpleasant and hurtful or humiliating to one partner. Expectations run high in a materialistic society especially when there is competition and peer pressure, the need to do what everyone else is doing and to go one better.

Some couples decide to get engaged on this day while others tie the knot as they feel it is romantic to do so and they will find it easier to remember their anniversary.

However, there have been controversial statements made in the press that celebrating Valentine’s Day is a no-no as it is perceived to encourage immoral liaisons, that it is a western practice that Asians can do without. As the cliché goes, the world is a global village.

People usually do what others do, what more with the barrage of advertisements calling for reservations for Valentine’s Day dinners, love tokens, roses and all the rest of it. All I know is that it has become an expensive occasion and the more sensible ones will just enjoy the evening as they see fit, with or without the roses.

What is more important is that Valentine's Day is also about celebrating friendships and remembering your friends and it's not all about lovers only.

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